A Reminder...

I have a friendship that I have grown to cherish. One that has developed briefly in person, but has grown through distance and... go figure... the internet! My friend Alissa shared what was reiterated by a new friend this week http://alissaellingson.blogspot.com:


Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them? 

I was absolutely hit square in the face with the fact that this "season" of life will, eventually, come to an end. I was hit even harder with that fact when, today, we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. I found myself looking at her twirling in her new dress from her great-grandma, singing and dancing, realizing that she is no longer my baby, but, she is now an independent, extremely energetic and opinionated toddler. 

Over these past few days, I have been reflecting on my visit with my new friend, Jen (view her blog at http://jenwagenmaker.blogspot.com). We talked, she shared her heart for ministering to other women, challenged me to be praying how I could join her in the mission... but, it was how she ended our visit that has stuck with me... 

She said, "You are looking at yourself now- in the overwhelmed state of exhaustion with two young kids two and under. I am looking at you a year from now- looking at what you will have to offer other women and, specifically young moms who are exactly where you are right now..." 

Then I read Alissa's blog post and Ecclesiastes 3..... whoa... 

Lord, forgive me for my lack of contentment in this "season" that you have me in. Bring me to a place of contentment with you and only you; with where you have placed me, what you have me doing, and whom you have called me to serve.  It is not until I am fully content with you and the circumstance that you have me in that you will reveal to me the next "season" you have for me....

A Place of Desperation...

I haven't written anything in so long.... Maybe that has, in part, led to some of the "blah" I have been feeling. I haven't made time for anything, much less, sorting through my thoughts and getting them down "on paper."

The Lord has brought me to a place of desperation...

Desperation for HIM... desire for His Will in my life, in our family; for my husband and my kids.

Zechariah 1:3b "'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."

We are returning to Him... full on... ready to listen to His Whisper and obey His call. I have found myself becoming anxious about what He may 'call' us to... then the gentle whisper reminds me to "Not be anxious about anything..."


Zephaniah 3: 17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

A Smorgesboard of Life...

I am tired, my dishes are not done, my house is a mess, there is laundry that needs to be folded... and... I just listened to my sweet Little Lady scream herself to sleep. Not the ending I was hoping for...

For those who know me well, you know that I DO NOT let my kids cry it out- especially not in the first 12 months of life. In the first year of life babies are learning trust/mistrust and, well, it's pretty simple: if you don't respond to crying- even if it is just for attention- then they will learn to not trust you or other people in their lives. You don't have to agree with me, but, that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Now that Brooke is almost two, though, it becomes a different story. The "Trying Twos" are upon us and, well, I need to get ahead of the curve here! She wanted to take her book to bed with her tonight and I said no... and I stuck to my guns... thus creating a massive temper tantrum that was fueled by her extreme exhaustion.... I went in once to pray with her and, as she calmed and then escalated again I prayed out loud, "Lord, show me what to do... I am lost here!"

The quiet whisper: "Tell her I am with her, kiss her, and put her to bed." Five minutes later, she was out.
That hysterical cry though- it cuts me to the core... I hate it! It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But there was nothing that I could do... I had to let go and let God...


We have been battling a nasty head cold for almost two weeks now. Brooke is still coughing like crazy and Shane just started with the stuffy nose for the second time... I am so DONE with illness... and it's not even November yet! I am paranoid, yes, I know. I like to 'control the situation,' yes, I know... but, let me just be completely frank here...

If your kids are actively coughing, sneezing, snotting, vomiting, have diarrhea, or have had a fever within the last 48-72 hours... KEEP THEM HOME! I am NOT tooting my own horn here, but... I have missed two 'Mommy and Me' yoga classes, a Halloween party, and have had to reschedule 2 playdates (with the same person no less) because I do not and will not contaminate the rest of the world with our illness!!!
Just because your kid only has a runny nose does not mean that the kid next to him won't respond differently to the virus!

OK... rant over!

The Lord is working in our life as a family though. Rob's involvement in Men's Fraternity has been huge for us. Ladies: if your husband has the opportunity to go through this make it happen! Push them to do it! It will change your lives- for the better!
God is good... He has a plan for us and, He is teaching me each day how to be a Mommy to these two little loves...

"Miss Representation"

https://www.facebook.com/#%21/groups/166691884672/?notif_t=group_activity

I hope the link above works!

This is the trailer for a new documentary about how women are portrayed in this country. Specifically how the media has created and is now 'distributing' women as objects meant for the satisfaction of men.

**Be warned-- there are images that may not be appropriate for some men who struggle with pornography and definitely those not appropriate for children under age 18.

I would like to hear thoughts/reactions to the trailer (if the link does not load, then Google: Miss Representation Trailer).

My reaction/thoughts after viewing this two separate times...

The first half is completely true, appropriate, and should be disturbing to any woman, father, grandfather, brother... you get the point- it should bother all of us. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to stand up for the decency, modesty, beauty, and RESPECT of women and their bodies. This is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I do, however, find fault with the second half of the trailer for "Miss Representation." They list statistics about women in high profile, "powerful" positions in America. At one point the woman being interviewed states that at a young age (I can't remember exactly what age- I think Kindergarten) an even number of boys and girls say that they want to be President of the United States and that at age 15 or 16 the percentage of young women who still have this dream are just a fraction... (at one point a man being interviewed compares our government to that of Cuba, China, and Afghanistan- saying that they all have more women in high political positions than we do... hmm...not sure I want our government compared to those in the first place!) I could go on summarizing- just watch it! :)

The basic "gist" of the trailer is that we need to change the way America views women- we need to have women in those high profile jobs, teach girls that they should be in those positions.

Here is where my problem lies... at no point do they ever suggest that a woman has value if she is at home caring for her children and creating a stable environment for them. I have had conversations like this with other women, family members, acquaintances and here is the conclusion: in this country, there is NO glory in being a mother. At the doctor they ask: "Do you work?" My response: "HA! Heck yeah I work... and I am 'on call' 24 hours a day, 365 days/year." But what is meant by the question is: "Do you work outside of the home?" And if the answer is 'No,' then nobody there can possibly understand why you can't make the 1:30 appointment they have set for you for next Thursday... "Because I have babies that nap! That's why!!" (And all of your stay-at-home-'workers' know that there are very few times that you sacrifice that sacred nap time!)

I want to teach my daughter what God created her for: to be a 'help-mate' to her husband and raise her children to know and fear the Lord. Those first years of life are critical and I am sick of women being told that they are not glorious or powerful or beautiful or wonderful if they choose to mother their children. Once they are off to school, then it's a completely different story (unless you homeschool!)!

Mommies: you are the hardest working group of people in the world! Keep up the hard work! It's worth it in the end!

Creativity Coming to Life!

I have a new addiction! That's right.... I am now on Pinterest.com and, holy cow, I have a problem.

Too many great ideas, not enough time!

I am grateful though, to my dear friend, who invited me to join. As my previous posts have hinted at, we are on a budget, and, this site is giving me all of the ideas that I need for Christmas and birthday gifts on a dime.

So excited to start crafting!

If you have NOT joined Pinterest... you MUST! Yes, it's addictive. But- for those of us that are completely black and white, logical thinking, reality driven people- it gives us the ability to "think outside the box" and use the opposite side of our brains! A little creative stimulation....

Oh, and while you all are at it... join my blog and follow me here too!!

Happy Sunday!

Some Relief

Since my last post, Shane has started nursing again like a champ- won't even take a bottle! HA! Way to go, Little Man!

But, we have not slept... at all....

Every two hours all night and no naps. I even called my mom to tell her, "I just can't do this! I don't even want them near me!" I felt horrible saying those things, but, saying them, made them disappear in my head and I could move forward. When you have reached such utter exhaustion that all rational thinking is out the window, you HAVE to talk about it... Mommies, you know what I am talking about! Until you speak those words to someone else, they consume your mind and, in an instant, you can snap. The next time you feel like you just can't take it anymore- pick up the phone and call another Mommy, friend, your own mom, your sister; someone that has been there and done that- not so they can tell you that you CAN do it, but, just to listen to you get those words out! They need to come out!!

I have done some major reflecting of, and comparing Brooke and Shane's first six months of life. Brooke was a great sleeper, Shane- not so much. I have wracked my brain thinking of what I did differently with Brooke. Of course, a first born, she had a routine that was like cement! Ask any one of my friends or family members- I pretty much hibernated the first year of her life because, "If I messed with the routine, then the day was shot..." True to some extent: if she didn't get her morning nap, then she wouldn't nap for the rest of the day- that meant crabby Baby and crabby Mommy. I did not set a routine with Shane- tried to, but, I was tired and had a 15 month old that required and needed my attention.

Shane pretty much spent his first six months of life in a swing, bouncy seat, walker/jumper, or on the floor. He was content and loved watching his big sister do things, so, all was well... but... looking back at Brooke's first six months of life, I noticed a drastic difference: I held Brooke ALL THE TIME! If I wasn't holding her, she was in the sling or wrap. She was in constant contact with me. From six to eight months of life, she laid on top of me for her naps- it's what she needed and it worked. She is a fabulous sleeper!

Apparently when Shane was born I forgot about the sling/wrap/carrier. I have no idea why. But, it dawned on my yesterday that 1. he is exhausted- you can see it on his face and 2. he just wants to be held. And, once I realized how differently I was nurturing him compared to Brooke it finally hit me: He is craving, NEEDING me to hold him...

This morning, he was strapped to me for about an hour and a half. He just snuggled in and had some wonderfully sweet baby talk to let me know how happy he was! He was content. When he started to wiggle, I would take him out and let him sit up, play, crawl around. Then he would reach for me and I would wrap him right back up on my chest, and the same thing: one happy little man!

Oh, and did I mention that he has been napping, uninterrupted, for almost an hour and a half (in addition to the interrupted hour before that)! I hope my theory is proven correct over these next several days.... it will make this Mommy one happy gal if we start sleeping around here!

Coming to Grips...

Shane turned six months old yesterday. He is so very active and is very proud of his new-found abilities. All he wants to do is crawl around, roll around, sit up, climb over... I can't keep up. He is completely blowing Brooke out of the water with how early he is doing these things, but, nonetheless, he is.... and....

I think he is weening...

I am sad... Very sad...

I probably should have seen this coming, but, I guess that ignorance is bliss. For about 3 months now he has had the preference of me standing and walking around while nursing him. He has never really been one for holding still! About a month ago started the "I only will nurse if we are laying down" phase. Then last week began the "Lay flat on my back with Mommy practically on top of me" phase. Now it's the "I don't care what acrobatics my mom can think of: I don't want anything to do with it" phase.

He bites, turns his head away, scratches, kicks.... ugh.... had his ears checked today and he got a really good, not-so-baby adjustment at the chiropractor.... still nothing- he would rather play.

With Brooke, it was inevitable- I was pregnant again, my supply was low, the taste changed (or so that is what "they say")... we took it slow, and, by 10 months old, she was done.

But I thought that Shane would be different. I knew that he was going to ween before most babies, because, well, he has done EVERYTHING early. But six months... Buddy, you're nuts!

I am not quite sure why this is happening, but, I am sad, and am trying to come to grips with it. Some of you think it's stupid, I know, but, I am "that" granola tree-hugging mom and I want nothing more than to breastfeed for as long as possible. I am the, "My kids will NEVER have formula" person (and my husband keeps telling me that I really need to stop saying NEVER about things that are out of my control- I guess he's right).

Oh well... I am giving it through the weekend to try to work with Shane on nursing again. I have a plan (which probably means it won't work, but, at least I have one): IF we need to supplement, then he would only get two bottles/day part formula part breast milk. He would still nurse in the mornings, before nap, at bedtime, and his "dream feed" before I go to bed.

Hopefully he gets back on board in the next few days because I sure will miss those big blue eyes looking up at me and a half smile while he nurses... one of the best parts of my day.

They grow up too fast!

Exhausted!

 I am exhausted! We have had such a milestone hitting week that it has caused this Mommy to burn out!

My sweet baby boy has not only cut his first tooth (with the second soon to come), but he has also found his voice. And, might I say, he is extremely loud! I remember this time with Brooke- it was funny then because I could just take a nap when she napped the next day- you know, when they decide to "practice" their new found skills all night long!

Seriously?!

As much as I would like to say that I enjoy hearing Shane's new screeching capabilities all night long- I don't (is it alright to say that?)! He is really good at, and ever so proud of, his new skill that I swear, the neighbors could hear him if his window was open!

So obviously I did not sleep last night or the night before due to the excessive squealing that came from the room next to mine! And, come to think of it, this constant waking in the night has gone on for oh... I don't know... about two weeks..... oh, nope, I mean six months!

This Mommy is ready for some good deep sleep! Cat naps throughout the night aren't doing it for me anymore....

It was trying to survive today- with Rob working a long orientation day- that I really began to question whether or not I really could homeschool our kids like we are planning.... the constant "there-ness" of kids, continuing to give up the "me" time that I sometimes desperately crave.... postponing any great career endeavors....

But then I hear the whisper... the one that I am called to obey and want desperately to follow: "Bethany. Bethany. This is the career I have for you! Your family is your job. Educating your own children is what I am calling you to. Do not fear! I will provide rest for the weary- I always do! I will provide for all of the needs and desires of your heart. Be still, my daughter, and know that I am God....

Tonight we will rest...

A Second Thought and Clarification

Wow, my last post has received a TON of comments on Facebook... some of which I have deleted at this point.
I thought that it would be appropriate at this time, to clarify some things and add some rational thoughts now that my rant has ended!

First, my rant was in no way intended to hurt, point fingers at, or blame anyone. My intention was purely a rant and the basis for my rant has not been shared with ANYONE (well, besides Rob, of course). So for those reading who think you know- I can assure you- you do not and we will leave it at that!

As for a Second Thought...

As one of my friends mentioned on Facebook (see my Facebook page for exact quotations), children were often told to "be quiet" about certain topics, and, because of this, we are seeing those affects. I am a firm believer that in order to experience any healing or freedom from past hurts/abuses that you MUST talk about them.

It's like AA: The first step is admitting you have a problem. The same is true with abuse/hurt: you have to admit that something was wrong in order to experience healing. I think that those who have bottled it in and try to "ignore" the problem somehow create the stigma that, "What happened to me is normal or right..." It is NOT! This is the reason that we don't have any accountability anymore. People hold on to the past, the hurts they have experienced and continually allow themselves to remain the victim. They use it as a crutch to rationalize their sins.

Think of it this way: "Talking" or Confession leads to healing (obviously it will never go away completely, but the scar will begin to fade); healing leads to forgiveness (which does NOT mean that the other person is right); forgiveness leads to freedom! It is only through forgiveness- no matter what the offense- that leads to freedom.

***As I mentioned briefly above: forgiveness does not give excuse to the offender. Instead, it leads the offended to a place of freedom from the offender; moves them from victim to victory!

The reason that my generation "overshares," in my opinion, is because of the abuse, hurt, and turmoil that were kept secrets for so long in previous generations. We now have probably swung too far to the opposite end of the spectrum with the hopes that if we "overshare," we won't miss something....

I hope this clarifies!

Annoyed....

I am noticing a difference in my generation and that of my parents' and grandparents'. While my generation literally talks about everything, theirs do not!

All of you twenty and thirty somethings out there know what I mean. There is not a topic that is too taboo to discuss these days. From bodily functions to the bedroom; we discuss our likes and dislikes, friends of a friend of a friend, family, the list is endless.

There are no skeletons in our closets....

Not so of previous generations. Lips are sealed, skeletons are desperately kept hidden, and, "We just don't talk about that," remains.

To be honest, it's annoying!

Sure I think that maybe my generation discusses a little too much- there really has become nothing private or sacred. But, the premise behind why previous generations do/did not discuss these issues is that they are/were concerned about how they would look or appear to society and the church. So, they pretend(ed) that everything is/was all good... "No issues here." "We are doing just fine." When really, individuals and families were literally tearing themselves apart.

I really hate pretending... really hate it.

If something is 'wrong' at home, don't act like everything is right.
If you are unhappy, that's ok... let's talk about it and get to the root of the problem.
If you have an addiction, let's talk and get some help.
If your job is sucking the life out of you, don't act like you enjoy it.
If you are unhappy in your marriage... well... you had better start talking about this one!

The church has, in part, caused a lot of this by saying, "Oh, well, we don't talk about that..." Why the heck not?! If the church discussed more of the issues that people were facing then we would have a larger body of believers, fewer people falling into addictions, and happier more joyful followers of Christ (at least in my opinion).
Christians have been told that they cannot talk about certain things. Oh not so! We are going to start discussing these things.
We can, and should discuss, why so many Christians are suffering from depression, fatigue, and a lack of desire to live; let's talk about why having a healthy sex life is important in a marriage; let's talk about homosexual and transgendered people, the issues surrounding it, and how to minister to this population...

Let's just talk.... be real.... and talk. We need to stop pretending!


Okay... rant over!

Kicking, screaming, and stomping my feet!

I had a momentary episode of "I feel sorry for myself" tonight. It lasted for about ten minutes. I cried. I got over it.

For some reason I became very discontented with our current circumstances, and, of course, my husband got the brunt of the meltdown. Lucky him. It probably would have been better for both of us if I were like our 20 month old daughter: I could have just kicked and stomped and yelled- without anyone knowing what the cause was. Then, I would have just gone on with the rest of my night. Oh, but not me....

For some reason I sabotage my own mind, and, my marriage, by entertaining selfish, annoying, flat-out ungodly thoughts... now I'm mad about my meltdown... really?!! (Maybe I need to refresh with a little Joyce Meyer and Battlefield of the Mind).

What God is whispering to me now: "Enough kicking, screaming, and stomping your feet; I am good; your circumstances are far from despair; you need to relax; My timing is perfect; be still.... just be still...."

A gentle "swat" in the ego tonight from my Lord.... and now an apology to my husband.

Good bye pride.

Humble pie is what I'll be eating tonight.

An Unexpected Visitor....

I have wanted to write about this for the last two months, but, somehow, in the midst of life, have put it off... until NOW!

The background:
I have a friend...a newly-found, long-lost friend...
We graduated from High School together, went to CMU together, we were family. Literally....

I remember the last time I saw my sweet friend (in NC at her baptism) and the last conversation that we had on the phone. I remember the tears, the frustration, the loneliness....
I remember opening a facebook account just 3 1/2 years ago and adding her as a friend. I remember the first email I got from her, although, at this point, I can't remember if she emailed me out of the blue, or if I emailed her first. But, it was great! It was wonderful. It had been 3 years without any contact at all and it felt good to know that she was happy and healthy! I remember getting married and thinking that she should have been standing next to my sister in my wedding. And I remember emailing her to tell her I was pregnant with Brooke when our families didn't even know (hey, she was far enough away.... I knew she wouldn't spill the beans;)). I remember when she told me she was getting married- I was thrilled for her!

I remember praying for her. Praying for her to find love, be happy, love God... Mostly, though, I prayed for the reconciliation of our friendship. I prayed... and prayed... and prayed. I remember telling Rob once that if she called me and needed me that I would get on the first plane to NC no matter what I was doing or what the cost. That I would be there....

Then it came... two months shy of six years.... a text which read: "Hey lady! What are you doing tomorrow? I would really like to come and spend the day with you and meet your kids..."

WHAT?! Call me!

And then I heard it: her sweet little voice (now with the hint of a southern drawl)...
Sure enough, her man was racing at MIS and, well, "Your house is ONLY 2 1/2 hours from the track.... can I come see you?"

YES!!!

I hung up and called my mom bawling! The Lord had heard my cries- He had answered my prayers! My long, lost 'sister' was coming to see me!

It was amazing... she was at MY house... with MY kids! We laughed, we cried, we were. So much had changed, yet, it was still the same. Wonderful!

When she left that day, I felt all those feelings again. I cried for a week straight! She had taken the time to drive 5 hours in one day, to come and see me, and learn about my life. It was such an amazing gift.

What was even more amazing?! That God used her to show His faithfulness. I prayed without ceasing and He answered in His perfect time! Just when I needed it the most; just when I didn't think that I could 'do' another day of 'this.' He gave me hope by bringing us back to the place that we both needed.

Thank you, Jesus, for bringing my dear friend back to me! I love you!

Another Year...

Well... another year has come and gone. As I enter into this 30th year of my life I can't help but reflect on the previous 29 and all the events that have shaped who I am today.

My 29th birthday was wonderful- it was the first birthday that I was able to celebrate with BOTH of my kids! I loved waking up as a Mommy-of-two this year! It was amazing... the day just kept getting better and better.

It was just an ordinary day for me... a day in the life of a stay at home mom of two little ones. Nothing significant at all.... Well... I shouldn't say that. We spent the evening celebrating my niece Ellie's 5th birthday. It was great being at a party for a little person that I love so much. She was sooo excited to watch me open the present she made me... she even wanted to open the present we gave her first! Ellie got this cute little look on her face every time we would look at each other and she would say something like, "It's your birthday today, and we are having a party for me, too!" She was excited to share a day with me, and, that was a great gift.
We also got to watch the emotional news special about Ellie's mom, Nichole. I wrote about her a few weeks ago... we watched the 6:00 news as she relived the events of earlier on August 12- where she met the doctors and nurses that saved her life during her cardiac arrest. It was a very special moment to share with her; her friends, and our family.

I have to say that I am "uber" (what's with that word anyway?!) excited about this upcoming year. I feel more like ME than I have in a long time. I don't know if it was all the pregnancy hormones that my body literally had two full years of, or what, but, I am finally feeling like I can live! I find myself smiling more, flying by the seat of my pants more, and, just being nicer! HA! I actually WANT to see people now... weird, huh?!

I do have a goal for the year... It's kind of a silly one, but, for me, it's huge! I hope to NOT have a baby during this year of my life! HA! Yes, we definitely want more kids, and, we wouldn't want to wait a long time in between Shane and the next little Wrona, but, I NEED a break. My body NEEDS a break. And, Rob NEEDS a wife! I hope that the Lord honors this desire that we have for some time!

Here's to one more year!

Unspoken Fear....

There is a fear amongst mothers. It is unspoken.... Until Now!

As mothers, we fear for our children: "What if something happens to them?" "Will they be safe?" "Will they experience pain?"

As wives, we fear for our husbands: "Will he be taken unexpectedly?" "What if this is the last time I see him/tell him I love him/'be' with him?"

These are the spoken fears of mothers; prayed about, talked about, worried about....

But the unspoken fear of mothers cuts to the core. It is a fear that roots itself in pride and creates anxiety and stress. As a mother, my fear is....

"What if something happens to ME?"

I know that if something happened to Rob that our family would be devastated. I would be lost without him. My husband: best friend, teacher, the love of my life; father of my children. If something happened to him, my world would be rocked and I would never be the same. Our children would be without the person in their lives that impacts them the most.
If something happened to Rob, I would be miserable, lonely, incomplete.... but I would survive... I would HAVE to survive.

When you become a mother something changes in you.... you are given the ability to press on in circumstances that would cause most people to give up. Motherhood requires from you the emotional, physical, and mental energy that no other position ever will. You survive things that are 'unsurvivable'... and you do it for your kids.

"What if something happens to ME?"

This question haunts me. What would happen to my Brooke and Shane? Yes, they would have their daddy (and, oh what a great daddy he is!), but, they NEED me.

In the heart of every mother this fear resounds as we look at our children day in and day out. We create routines, schedules; know food preferences and allergies, and understand what our kids need to feel secure and comforted. No one else knows these things! No one else can do it! No one else can be ME!

It would take a humble woman indeed to know that her family would survive without her each day; it would take an even humbler woman to believe that someone else could step in and do her job day in and day out.

Let's face it, Mommies, we don't want to know that our families would still function without us: That they would survive just as we would in the midst of tragedy.

Instead, we wallow in our pride and allow fear to take root.

I want to challenge myself and the rest of the mothers of the world to "Fear not!" Let's claim the freedom from fear for ourselves AND our families!

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand..." -Isaiah 41:10

The Aftermath....

Postpartum Depression sucks! That's right... it down right sucks. I hated it... with a passion. Praise God that the haze and fatigue and downright nastiness of it are gone.
I was determined to ward off the dreaded "PPD" again. It seems that with Brooke things were A-OK- even in the midst of her inability to nurse or gain weight. We plugged along, and, I felt great!

Oh, but Shane....
Let me begin by saying that I will never again sign any release at any hospital for any anesthesiologist giving them the ability to stick anything anywhere near my back! Bah! I had a Wet Tap with my Epidural. And, I continue to kick myself because, when the Epidural finally took effect, I was an 8! Seriously?! It just makes me mad....
So, by the end of Shane's third week of life, I finally changed his first diaper. Yes, that's right. The headaches were so severe that I could not stand to change his diaper. I nursed him laying in my bed... for three full weeks.
Once they subsided I was fine. Life could resume. I could take care of my babies and create some kind of routine! We went garage saling, out for walks, got together with friends/family...

Then it hit me....

Like a ton of bricks!

Shane must have been six or eight weeks old when it hit, and, it was horrible. Now, I am not talking about severe PPD, but, it was NOT ME! My moods were horrible.... I lost my patience with Brooke more times than I can even count; my milk supply waned- which meant being up all night feeding to make up for those lost ounces. That in turn led to extreme and utter exhaustion! And... fatigue then breeds more Cortisol which messes with moods, milk.... the cycle continues.

I remember saying to both my mom and my husband, "Am I depressed? Do depressed people recognize that they are depressed? I think I'm depressed..."

At least I could recognize that I was in some way depressed. It wasn't until my sister-in-law went into full cardiac arrest that I finally began to snap out of it. Rob said that he has read about treatments for depression, no matter what the type, and that one of the recommendations is to help others in need...
For me, I think it was the fact that I wasn't focusing on myself at those moments. It was about Nichole- praying without ceasing for her to wake up without brain damage and with no damage to her heart. It was about Mike- does he have support? Is he eating and getting some rest? What does he need? It was about my dear niece and nephew- who, quite frankly, could have been left without their mommy. Were they taken care of?
That experience allowed me to pull myself up by my bootstraps- because I had to- and focus on someone/something else! It pulled me out of my depression by teaching me, once again, that the Lord is in control, that He hears our prayers, and, that it isn't always about me.

I asked Rob the other day, "Have you noticed a change in me?"
His response, "Yeah. Ever since Nichole..."

"Being a Mommy Isn't for Whimps..."

... is often a quote I hear from my mom. This has become my daily mantra. When I am exhausted and running on only 4 hours of sleep, I remember that I have been granted the toughest, most noble job that was ever created. Being a mom requires energy that I didn't even know that I had. Sometimes I want to quit- when the crying has lasted just a little too long; when the food is flying all over the walls; when I have a baby on each hip while trying eat something (anything!)-
At those moments I remember that, "Being a Mommy Isn't for Whimps!" I take a deep breath and look at the faces of the two most precious people on the planet: my "Brookie" and "Shaner Shane." That's what makes it worth while... through their tears, and often mine, I realize that I can do this- I HAVE to do this! And then, in the words of Larry the Cable Guy, I "get 'er done."
"Mommyhood" requires sacrifice on all levels. From the physical to the emotional to the financial- sacrifice is vital. But, I think that people view the word "sacrifice" in a negative way. Sure it stretches you and can be downright painful, but, it is a glorious, beautiful, breathtaking (literally) service of love to the little people that deserve it the most.

What sacrifices are you making in "Mommyhood" today?

Timeline of Events....

Just to give everyone an idea of our life over the last five years....

May 2006- Bethany graduates from CMU
July 2006- Bethany gets first teaching job just outside of Detroit
May 2007- Rob graduates from CMU and accepts a job with Shaw
June 2007- Rob moves to GA for training
July 2007- Bethany visits Rob and he proposes
August 2007- Bethany moves to WI and starts a new teaching job....
October 2007- Rob moves to WI to begin working for Shaw
December 2007- Rob and Bethany are married... in MI.... and combine apartments in WI

a slight break in the action

September 2008- Rob has his hiking accident
March 2009- Bethany gets preggers with baby number 1
May 2009- Rob gets a job back in MI
June 2009- Bethany finishes teaching in WI, both move back to MI
June 2009- Move in with Rob's brother and his family
August 2009- Buy a house and begin renovations
September 2009- Rob's grandfather passes away
October 2009- We move into our house while still renovating
December 10, 2009- Finish renovations that make the house "livable"
December 19, 2009- Brooke Alexis arrives 4 days late! 6 lbs. 11 oz. 19 1/2 inches long
December 21, 2009- Our second anniversary

(we attempt to adjust to being new parents!)

July 2, 2010- oops... we're pregnant with baby number 2
March 20, 2011- Shane Christopher arrives 5 days late! 9 lbs. 3 oz. (ouch) 20 1/2 inches long
July 5, 2010- Rob's sister-in-law goes into full cardiac arrest.... PTL- recovering

That's a brief timeline of our lives over the last 5 years... busy!

An Intro...

Well, here we go... Another hobby started, but, one that I hope will last.

My name is Bethany and I am the Assistant CEO and CFO at WronaFamily, Inc. I have held these positions since December 21, 2007 and in December, 2009, added the role of Lead Investor to my portfolio. We, at WronaFamily, Inc. seek to serve the Lord, Jesus Christ, while equipping our team members and outside affiliates with the knowledge of Truth. 

Ha! How's that for an intro?! Maybe I should add that to my resume.

In layman's terms: I married my wonderful husband, Rob, in December, 2007 and we started our family in December, 2009. Our "team members" include our two young children: Brooke and Shane (who, I might add, are only 15 months apart); and, our "affiliates" are those in our extended family and our great group of friends that we have acquired over the years. We love the Lord and seek to bring the knowledge of His Truth to our "team" and our "affiliates."

I have a degree in teaching: special education, language arts, and elementary education; I love reading and writing, hiking,fly fishing, and scrap booking. Although, I must confess, I rarely have time for any of these activities at this time! Loving two kids under 18 months hasn't left much time for ME! Hence the blog.....

The reason that I love the above mentioned activities so much is because I enjoy investing in others. Besides reading and writing (which, often leads to investing in the lives of others) these hobbies are those that I love doing with others... I mean, come on, would I just go fly fishing for the sake of fly fishing?! NO! I love it because I get to do it with my husband... which is why we haven't gone since our children were born- he loves to "just fish" and I "just want to be with you..."

Hopefully this blog will serve as some refreshing "ME" time as well as allow me to invest in others through sharing my experiences, hopes, dreams, fears.

Excited to Blog!

-B