Sick....

I just about made myself sick.....

I just realized that for the past several weeks I have gone through much of my days really having not seen my children. Obviously I have SEEN them, but, I haven't really taken the time to SEE them....

Quite honestly, I am not sure when the last time was that I looked into Brooke's beautiful, big, brown eyes just to SEE her. And Shane....well... he's walking now... but, I haven't really celebrated that with him...

Wow- reality has hit me with a blow to the gut that leaves me unable to catch my breath and desperate to turn back the clock to relive all of the moments that I have missed. What's even more annoying is that I have missed moments and opportunities to minister to my childrens' hearts because I have been too busy trying to keep "order" in the house.... REALLY?!

Things are going to change... NOW! Tomorrow is a new day, Praise God!

Thank you, Lord, for the whisper to "WAKE UP!" Forgive me for neglecting my children... your children.

A Reminder...

I have a friendship that I have grown to cherish. One that has developed briefly in person, but has grown through distance and... go figure... the internet! My friend Alissa shared what was reiterated by a new friend this week http://alissaellingson.blogspot.com:


Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them? 

I was absolutely hit square in the face with the fact that this "season" of life will, eventually, come to an end. I was hit even harder with that fact when, today, we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. I found myself looking at her twirling in her new dress from her great-grandma, singing and dancing, realizing that she is no longer my baby, but, she is now an independent, extremely energetic and opinionated toddler. 

Over these past few days, I have been reflecting on my visit with my new friend, Jen (view her blog at http://jenwagenmaker.blogspot.com). We talked, she shared her heart for ministering to other women, challenged me to be praying how I could join her in the mission... but, it was how she ended our visit that has stuck with me... 

She said, "You are looking at yourself now- in the overwhelmed state of exhaustion with two young kids two and under. I am looking at you a year from now- looking at what you will have to offer other women and, specifically young moms who are exactly where you are right now..." 

Then I read Alissa's blog post and Ecclesiastes 3..... whoa... 

Lord, forgive me for my lack of contentment in this "season" that you have me in. Bring me to a place of contentment with you and only you; with where you have placed me, what you have me doing, and whom you have called me to serve.  It is not until I am fully content with you and the circumstance that you have me in that you will reveal to me the next "season" you have for me....

A Place of Desperation...

I haven't written anything in so long.... Maybe that has, in part, led to some of the "blah" I have been feeling. I haven't made time for anything, much less, sorting through my thoughts and getting them down "on paper."

The Lord has brought me to a place of desperation...

Desperation for HIM... desire for His Will in my life, in our family; for my husband and my kids.

Zechariah 1:3b "'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."

We are returning to Him... full on... ready to listen to His Whisper and obey His call. I have found myself becoming anxious about what He may 'call' us to... then the gentle whisper reminds me to "Not be anxious about anything..."


Zephaniah 3: 17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

A Smorgesboard of Life...

I am tired, my dishes are not done, my house is a mess, there is laundry that needs to be folded... and... I just listened to my sweet Little Lady scream herself to sleep. Not the ending I was hoping for...

For those who know me well, you know that I DO NOT let my kids cry it out- especially not in the first 12 months of life. In the first year of life babies are learning trust/mistrust and, well, it's pretty simple: if you don't respond to crying- even if it is just for attention- then they will learn to not trust you or other people in their lives. You don't have to agree with me, but, that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Now that Brooke is almost two, though, it becomes a different story. The "Trying Twos" are upon us and, well, I need to get ahead of the curve here! She wanted to take her book to bed with her tonight and I said no... and I stuck to my guns... thus creating a massive temper tantrum that was fueled by her extreme exhaustion.... I went in once to pray with her and, as she calmed and then escalated again I prayed out loud, "Lord, show me what to do... I am lost here!"

The quiet whisper: "Tell her I am with her, kiss her, and put her to bed." Five minutes later, she was out.
That hysterical cry though- it cuts me to the core... I hate it! It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But there was nothing that I could do... I had to let go and let God...


We have been battling a nasty head cold for almost two weeks now. Brooke is still coughing like crazy and Shane just started with the stuffy nose for the second time... I am so DONE with illness... and it's not even November yet! I am paranoid, yes, I know. I like to 'control the situation,' yes, I know... but, let me just be completely frank here...

If your kids are actively coughing, sneezing, snotting, vomiting, have diarrhea, or have had a fever within the last 48-72 hours... KEEP THEM HOME! I am NOT tooting my own horn here, but... I have missed two 'Mommy and Me' yoga classes, a Halloween party, and have had to reschedule 2 playdates (with the same person no less) because I do not and will not contaminate the rest of the world with our illness!!!
Just because your kid only has a runny nose does not mean that the kid next to him won't respond differently to the virus!

OK... rant over!

The Lord is working in our life as a family though. Rob's involvement in Men's Fraternity has been huge for us. Ladies: if your husband has the opportunity to go through this make it happen! Push them to do it! It will change your lives- for the better!
God is good... He has a plan for us and, He is teaching me each day how to be a Mommy to these two little loves...

"Miss Representation"

https://www.facebook.com/#%21/groups/166691884672/?notif_t=group_activity

I hope the link above works!

This is the trailer for a new documentary about how women are portrayed in this country. Specifically how the media has created and is now 'distributing' women as objects meant for the satisfaction of men.

**Be warned-- there are images that may not be appropriate for some men who struggle with pornography and definitely those not appropriate for children under age 18.

I would like to hear thoughts/reactions to the trailer (if the link does not load, then Google: Miss Representation Trailer).

My reaction/thoughts after viewing this two separate times...

The first half is completely true, appropriate, and should be disturbing to any woman, father, grandfather, brother... you get the point- it should bother all of us. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to stand up for the decency, modesty, beauty, and RESPECT of women and their bodies. This is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I do, however, find fault with the second half of the trailer for "Miss Representation." They list statistics about women in high profile, "powerful" positions in America. At one point the woman being interviewed states that at a young age (I can't remember exactly what age- I think Kindergarten) an even number of boys and girls say that they want to be President of the United States and that at age 15 or 16 the percentage of young women who still have this dream are just a fraction... (at one point a man being interviewed compares our government to that of Cuba, China, and Afghanistan- saying that they all have more women in high political positions than we do... hmm...not sure I want our government compared to those in the first place!) I could go on summarizing- just watch it! :)

The basic "gist" of the trailer is that we need to change the way America views women- we need to have women in those high profile jobs, teach girls that they should be in those positions.

Here is where my problem lies... at no point do they ever suggest that a woman has value if she is at home caring for her children and creating a stable environment for them. I have had conversations like this with other women, family members, acquaintances and here is the conclusion: in this country, there is NO glory in being a mother. At the doctor they ask: "Do you work?" My response: "HA! Heck yeah I work... and I am 'on call' 24 hours a day, 365 days/year." But what is meant by the question is: "Do you work outside of the home?" And if the answer is 'No,' then nobody there can possibly understand why you can't make the 1:30 appointment they have set for you for next Thursday... "Because I have babies that nap! That's why!!" (And all of your stay-at-home-'workers' know that there are very few times that you sacrifice that sacred nap time!)

I want to teach my daughter what God created her for: to be a 'help-mate' to her husband and raise her children to know and fear the Lord. Those first years of life are critical and I am sick of women being told that they are not glorious or powerful or beautiful or wonderful if they choose to mother their children. Once they are off to school, then it's a completely different story (unless you homeschool!)!

Mommies: you are the hardest working group of people in the world! Keep up the hard work! It's worth it in the end!

Creativity Coming to Life!

I have a new addiction! That's right.... I am now on Pinterest.com and, holy cow, I have a problem.

Too many great ideas, not enough time!

I am grateful though, to my dear friend, who invited me to join. As my previous posts have hinted at, we are on a budget, and, this site is giving me all of the ideas that I need for Christmas and birthday gifts on a dime.

So excited to start crafting!

If you have NOT joined Pinterest... you MUST! Yes, it's addictive. But- for those of us that are completely black and white, logical thinking, reality driven people- it gives us the ability to "think outside the box" and use the opposite side of our brains! A little creative stimulation....

Oh, and while you all are at it... join my blog and follow me here too!!

Happy Sunday!

Some Relief

Since my last post, Shane has started nursing again like a champ- won't even take a bottle! HA! Way to go, Little Man!

But, we have not slept... at all....

Every two hours all night and no naps. I even called my mom to tell her, "I just can't do this! I don't even want them near me!" I felt horrible saying those things, but, saying them, made them disappear in my head and I could move forward. When you have reached such utter exhaustion that all rational thinking is out the window, you HAVE to talk about it... Mommies, you know what I am talking about! Until you speak those words to someone else, they consume your mind and, in an instant, you can snap. The next time you feel like you just can't take it anymore- pick up the phone and call another Mommy, friend, your own mom, your sister; someone that has been there and done that- not so they can tell you that you CAN do it, but, just to listen to you get those words out! They need to come out!!

I have done some major reflecting of, and comparing Brooke and Shane's first six months of life. Brooke was a great sleeper, Shane- not so much. I have wracked my brain thinking of what I did differently with Brooke. Of course, a first born, she had a routine that was like cement! Ask any one of my friends or family members- I pretty much hibernated the first year of her life because, "If I messed with the routine, then the day was shot..." True to some extent: if she didn't get her morning nap, then she wouldn't nap for the rest of the day- that meant crabby Baby and crabby Mommy. I did not set a routine with Shane- tried to, but, I was tired and had a 15 month old that required and needed my attention.

Shane pretty much spent his first six months of life in a swing, bouncy seat, walker/jumper, or on the floor. He was content and loved watching his big sister do things, so, all was well... but... looking back at Brooke's first six months of life, I noticed a drastic difference: I held Brooke ALL THE TIME! If I wasn't holding her, she was in the sling or wrap. She was in constant contact with me. From six to eight months of life, she laid on top of me for her naps- it's what she needed and it worked. She is a fabulous sleeper!

Apparently when Shane was born I forgot about the sling/wrap/carrier. I have no idea why. But, it dawned on my yesterday that 1. he is exhausted- you can see it on his face and 2. he just wants to be held. And, once I realized how differently I was nurturing him compared to Brooke it finally hit me: He is craving, NEEDING me to hold him...

This morning, he was strapped to me for about an hour and a half. He just snuggled in and had some wonderfully sweet baby talk to let me know how happy he was! He was content. When he started to wiggle, I would take him out and let him sit up, play, crawl around. Then he would reach for me and I would wrap him right back up on my chest, and the same thing: one happy little man!

Oh, and did I mention that he has been napping, uninterrupted, for almost an hour and a half (in addition to the interrupted hour before that)! I hope my theory is proven correct over these next several days.... it will make this Mommy one happy gal if we start sleeping around here!