Brooke's Cardiology Report...

Today we had our visit with Pediatric Cardiology for Brooke. I could not have been more pleased with our day. The cardiologist was amazing! He was willing to take all the time needed to run the proper tests and educate us on all that is 'unique' with Brooke's heart.

Brooke does indeed have a minor heart defect, that, at this time, poses no threat to her. He did also confirm a functional murmur that is completely unrelated to the defect.

Instead of having a Tricuspid Aortic Valve she has a Bicuspid Aortic Valve.

                                                        Tricuspid                      Bicuspid

With this diagnosis, patients are at risk of Aortic Stenosis (narrowing of the Aorta), Dilation of the Aorta, and "leakage" if the valve does not open or close properly.

The measurements today showed that Brooke has Borderline Dilation of the Aorta- she is right on that 'normal/abnormal' border for having dilation. 

What does this mean for Brooke?!!

NOTHING!! - at least not right now :)

She is now, and will forever be, a cardiac patient. Two years from now, and probably every two years from now on, she will have to have an Echocardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) to look at, and measure, the Aorta and Aortic Valve. If she were to develop any Stenosis or Dilation then the may prohibit her from playing contact sports, participating in strenuous excersice, etc.  He reassured us that her Aorta would have to be in extremely bad shape for them to even consider repairing/replacing it.

In the meantime, she is clear for surgery IF the Cleft Palate Team decides to repair that within the next few months and she is free to be a normal two year old!! Yay!!

The LORD is teaching me to trust Him- and of course, He is using my kids! I am at complete peace tonight as we have this minor diagnosis and am sure that Brooke is going to be fine! There is not anything that I can do or worry about that will change the path that the Lord set for her before the beginning of time. Praise be to Him for His wisdom and love for Brooke!

Thanks for the continued prayers from all of you- we see the Cleft Palate Team next week and the Geneticist the following week (with Shane's first birthday in the middle)!

Blessings to all!
-B

I added a couple of diagrams below for your viewing pleasure :)

A promise...

In chapter four of the book of James a promise is made that I am clinging to and claiming today.

"Draw near to the Lord, and he will draw near to you."

Quite frankly, this week I've been a mess- for no apparent reason! I have been on the verge of a full blown panic attack (or what I can only imagine is one coming) for three days now. My heart racing, the anxiety building- choking the life right out of me... THIS IS NOT ME!

It is so strange- just when I start to feel a little momentum I hit a brick wall that is so hard and so high that it plain knocks me right out.  Flat out. Cold. Whoa.

Today, by God's mercy and grace he gave me this promise, once again. When I needed it the most.

His whisper: "Bethany, just draw near to me. Everything is fine. I am here. I know what I am doing. Trust me. Move into me and I will wrap you in the safety and power of my love. 'Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God! I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' "

I will not be anxious about tomorrow, next week, or next month. I will not fear the unknown. I will trust that my Lord is moving mountains in our lives and that, in His perfect timing His will will unravel before my eyes- when that happens I will look back at today, and yesterday and remember how much time and energy I wasted being anxious.....

Finally.... peace!

A little bit of this...

... And a little bit of that. Actually, mostly doctors' appointments for Brooke. That is what "life" has consisted of over these last 2 months. She loves going to the doctors! Ha! Probably because she has never had any shots...
She said yesterday, "I'm not afraid of the new doctor!" She was so proud of herself.

It's been challenging at times- not to let my mind wander to the "what ifs" of the situation. I have come to the conclusion that Brooke is fine! She is right where God wants her! Her life has been laid out before time began and no amount of worrying from me will change any day of her life. So, that's that. We wait. We drive. We meet with multiple specialists. We "collect" all kinds of bodily secretions (fun!). And then we do it all again! But most importantly, we trust!

The Lord has taught me so much about himself through this process and a book that I am reading entitled Practical Theology for Women. It should actually just be called Practical Theology because EVERYONE needs to read it!  I have thought about reading it again when I am done so that I can journal/blog my way through it.  What the author laid out for me that hit me square in the face when I needed it the most was this:

God is good.

God loves us.

GOD IS WISE!

It doesn't matter what I want- who am I to tell  God how to run the show- He is wise beyond all measure and has a purpose in everything that He does. He brings beauty from ashes; hope from sorrow. I have clung to that over the last few months as we have faced a myriad of "struggles" in our family.

I want to write more. To let you all know of the struggles and joys and just plain "life" we have experienced over the last several months... but... I can't.... not yet....  Soon though!

We are content in our struggles. We are hopeful for tomorrow. We are clinging to the promise that God's wisdom is so much greater than our own!

Sick....

I just about made myself sick.....

I just realized that for the past several weeks I have gone through much of my days really having not seen my children. Obviously I have SEEN them, but, I haven't really taken the time to SEE them....

Quite honestly, I am not sure when the last time was that I looked into Brooke's beautiful, big, brown eyes just to SEE her. And Shane....well... he's walking now... but, I haven't really celebrated that with him...

Wow- reality has hit me with a blow to the gut that leaves me unable to catch my breath and desperate to turn back the clock to relive all of the moments that I have missed. What's even more annoying is that I have missed moments and opportunities to minister to my childrens' hearts because I have been too busy trying to keep "order" in the house.... REALLY?!

Things are going to change... NOW! Tomorrow is a new day, Praise God!

Thank you, Lord, for the whisper to "WAKE UP!" Forgive me for neglecting my children... your children.

A Reminder...

I have a friendship that I have grown to cherish. One that has developed briefly in person, but has grown through distance and... go figure... the internet! My friend Alissa shared what was reiterated by a new friend this week http://alissaellingson.blogspot.com:


Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them? 

I was absolutely hit square in the face with the fact that this "season" of life will, eventually, come to an end. I was hit even harder with that fact when, today, we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. I found myself looking at her twirling in her new dress from her great-grandma, singing and dancing, realizing that she is no longer my baby, but, she is now an independent, extremely energetic and opinionated toddler. 

Over these past few days, I have been reflecting on my visit with my new friend, Jen (view her blog at http://jenwagenmaker.blogspot.com). We talked, she shared her heart for ministering to other women, challenged me to be praying how I could join her in the mission... but, it was how she ended our visit that has stuck with me... 

She said, "You are looking at yourself now- in the overwhelmed state of exhaustion with two young kids two and under. I am looking at you a year from now- looking at what you will have to offer other women and, specifically young moms who are exactly where you are right now..." 

Then I read Alissa's blog post and Ecclesiastes 3..... whoa... 

Lord, forgive me for my lack of contentment in this "season" that you have me in. Bring me to a place of contentment with you and only you; with where you have placed me, what you have me doing, and whom you have called me to serve.  It is not until I am fully content with you and the circumstance that you have me in that you will reveal to me the next "season" you have for me....

A Place of Desperation...

I haven't written anything in so long.... Maybe that has, in part, led to some of the "blah" I have been feeling. I haven't made time for anything, much less, sorting through my thoughts and getting them down "on paper."

The Lord has brought me to a place of desperation...

Desperation for HIM... desire for His Will in my life, in our family; for my husband and my kids.

Zechariah 1:3b "'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."

We are returning to Him... full on... ready to listen to His Whisper and obey His call. I have found myself becoming anxious about what He may 'call' us to... then the gentle whisper reminds me to "Not be anxious about anything..."


Zephaniah 3: 17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

A Smorgesboard of Life...

I am tired, my dishes are not done, my house is a mess, there is laundry that needs to be folded... and... I just listened to my sweet Little Lady scream herself to sleep. Not the ending I was hoping for...

For those who know me well, you know that I DO NOT let my kids cry it out- especially not in the first 12 months of life. In the first year of life babies are learning trust/mistrust and, well, it's pretty simple: if you don't respond to crying- even if it is just for attention- then they will learn to not trust you or other people in their lives. You don't have to agree with me, but, that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Now that Brooke is almost two, though, it becomes a different story. The "Trying Twos" are upon us and, well, I need to get ahead of the curve here! She wanted to take her book to bed with her tonight and I said no... and I stuck to my guns... thus creating a massive temper tantrum that was fueled by her extreme exhaustion.... I went in once to pray with her and, as she calmed and then escalated again I prayed out loud, "Lord, show me what to do... I am lost here!"

The quiet whisper: "Tell her I am with her, kiss her, and put her to bed." Five minutes later, she was out.
That hysterical cry though- it cuts me to the core... I hate it! It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But there was nothing that I could do... I had to let go and let God...


We have been battling a nasty head cold for almost two weeks now. Brooke is still coughing like crazy and Shane just started with the stuffy nose for the second time... I am so DONE with illness... and it's not even November yet! I am paranoid, yes, I know. I like to 'control the situation,' yes, I know... but, let me just be completely frank here...

If your kids are actively coughing, sneezing, snotting, vomiting, have diarrhea, or have had a fever within the last 48-72 hours... KEEP THEM HOME! I am NOT tooting my own horn here, but... I have missed two 'Mommy and Me' yoga classes, a Halloween party, and have had to reschedule 2 playdates (with the same person no less) because I do not and will not contaminate the rest of the world with our illness!!!
Just because your kid only has a runny nose does not mean that the kid next to him won't respond differently to the virus!

OK... rant over!

The Lord is working in our life as a family though. Rob's involvement in Men's Fraternity has been huge for us. Ladies: if your husband has the opportunity to go through this make it happen! Push them to do it! It will change your lives- for the better!
God is good... He has a plan for us and, He is teaching me each day how to be a Mommy to these two little loves...