This past weekend was Easter. It was a great celebration of our Lord. I loved being in church with Rob, Brooke, and Shane to worship my risen Savior! But, there was still that sense of loss that was so fresh and real...
A scab that was totally not ready to be ripped off - open and bleeding again.
It had only been days since the, "It's a boy!" that should have been exciting to hear came through as a somber exclamation of what could have been.
I have cried every day since hearing that piercing bit of news- multiple times each day. Some of the more gut- wrenching cries that I knew needed to come out, but, couldn't...
Until now...
It is okay that I am grieving the loss of Clay as my son. It is okay that I looked up where I would be at in my pregnancy (week 15). It is ok that I am longing for Clay to be the cause of my growing belly. It is okay that, in a few short weeks, I will cry and scream because I know that I would have started feeling him move inside of me.
It's okay....
And it's GOOD!
It is good because no matter what happens or what people say, Clay IS my son. He IS real. And I have to grieve- if I don't, then, well, God does not complete his work in me.
I looked back through my journal today and found a quote I had written down. It is from a book- I do not know the title or the author...
"If you think God leads you only beside still waters, think again. God will also lead you beside turbulent waters. If you have the courage to enter, you'll think you're drowning. But actually you're being churned into something new. It's okay- dive in!"
And this is it- God is refining me and creating something new in my spirit. That is why I grieve- allowing myself to feel the pain of loss, hurt, whatever- it is allowing God to WORK His Glory in ME.
Oh and I praise Him all the while.
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."
2 Corinthians 4:7
This great power at work within me- through Clay's life- will be the light shining in my heart.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
What's in a Name...
Today I received a call from the doctor's office with the test results- it looked like perfection... no chromosomal abnormalities that they found!
Then she asked if I wanted to know the sex... of course!
It is a boy!
I was shocked as I thought it would have been a girl (shows what I know :))!
What was even more amazing was that Rob, while fishing earlier today (before we found out it was a boy), had a name pop into his head.... so.... here it is....
Clay Andrew Wrona- March 14, 2013
This is probably not a name that we would have considered if not for the circumstances, but, considering its meaning, it is perfect.
First, Clay means immortal- which our sweet boy is!
And of course 2 Corinthians 4:7 states, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (NIV)
And the NLT states it as, "We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."
Such a great reminder of how fragile life is- as we are molded and crafted by the great Creator.
Second, Andrew means man or warrior. And, Andrew was the first of the 12 disciples Jesus chose!
It was interesting to know that Rob had those two names pop into his head today when we didn't even know that we had a boy- we believe that it is the name he is meant to have and that God revealed that to Rob today.
And.... as my doctor told me that, "It's a boy..." I had this immediate vision of my son, riding on the clouds at the trumpet call with our Lord, fighting in that final battle!
What a purpose God has for Clay Andrew Wrona and how privileged Rob and I are to be his parents!
Monday, March 18, 2013
Loss
I have been unsure about writing publicly about the loss of our baby- not sure why- just didn't know if I wanted to share it with everyone. But then I realized that there are a lot- A LOT- of families who struggle with this horrible reality and thought that maybe, just maybe, our story may allow someone else to feel some "comfort" through their loss.
February 27, 2013 was supposed to be a great day! A day where we would see our baby moving and squirming for the very first time. This day quickly turned into one of the worst days of our lives. As soon as they started the ultrasound I knew. No movement. No heartbeat.
She tried really hard to "rearrange" to try to get something- anything.
Nothing.
According to measurements our baby had probably died within 24 hours of our ultrasound. The baby measured nine weeks four days.
The worst part: having to look over at Rob who was straining to see the screen and having to gently tell him, "Our baby is dead..."
A sucker-punch to the gut.
I am thankful that we have the few pictures they printed out for us. We will treasure them forever. But, that day... that office... that screen.... ugh... it is forever burned into my mind.
They talked to us about our "options." We chose to just let it happen naturally. I needed the process to happen.
That first week of "waiting" was awful. The grief process was just starting- after all, much of what we had been focusing on those last nine weeks was due to me being pregnant again! I had gone dress shopping with my future sister-in-law and the bridal party and was trying on dresses with the maternity bellies. We had planned out vacation time for when the baby was going to be born. I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to have three kids under four and was actually excited about it!
Somehow during that first week of waiting God surrounded me with some amazing women who had also lost their babies. I needed to hear their stories and grieve with them. Those friends and family made it matter. And that is all I wanted- was it to matter to others like it mattered to me!
I am convinced that the prayers of my friends, family, and church carried us through. Somehow, each day was a little better. It was a little more "okay."
By the time the second week of waiting had come along God had surrounded me with such an intense love and peace that I still can't explain it. The only explanation that I have is the prayers of those friends who knew how to pray because they themselves had walked through that ugly pit. That second week was filled with an intense satisfaction that the LORD had great plans for me and my family... and I clung to that! I knew that He was about to bring the rain in my life as He is so faithful in doing. So, I just leaned into Him and let Him begin to heal my heart and my body.
Finally, on March 14, 2013 I miscarried our third baby. Saying it was physically painful is an understatement- I labored- hard. But, that process brought me so much peace and made it real for me and for Rob. God gave us closure as we saw our baby.
Ironically enough, my dearest and most loyal friend since forever gave birth to her son that same day. I was so grateful to have that day to share with her! Her comment to me was perfect, "Our babies have the same birthday! How special!" She has no idea how special that is.
I do not know why God allowed me to endure this loss. I will never know and I have to remind myself each day that it is not for me to understand. What I do know is that when I have a friend who has a loss, it will matter to me and I will lift them in prayer as they grieve and I will grieve and mourn with them as we celebrate our babies safely in the hands of Jesus. Oh how we long for the day we will meet them face to face!!
Finally, as a side note, it was our personal choice to go through this process naturally. Rob and I both felt that God was calling us to walk through the process with Him. This may not be for everyone and there would never be any judgment toward anyone who chooses to go the route of a D&C.
Lastly, for those of you who have not had to live through the loss of a child- a few thoughts: do not "disappear" on us! We need you just to be there. If you feel like you should say something or send something, then, DO IT! I made that mistake before experiencing this and I am kicking myself now for not being that support for my friends and showing them that it mattered to me.
February 27, 2013 was supposed to be a great day! A day where we would see our baby moving and squirming for the very first time. This day quickly turned into one of the worst days of our lives. As soon as they started the ultrasound I knew. No movement. No heartbeat.
She tried really hard to "rearrange" to try to get something- anything.
Nothing.
According to measurements our baby had probably died within 24 hours of our ultrasound. The baby measured nine weeks four days.
The worst part: having to look over at Rob who was straining to see the screen and having to gently tell him, "Our baby is dead..."
A sucker-punch to the gut.
I am thankful that we have the few pictures they printed out for us. We will treasure them forever. But, that day... that office... that screen.... ugh... it is forever burned into my mind.
They talked to us about our "options." We chose to just let it happen naturally. I needed the process to happen.
That first week of "waiting" was awful. The grief process was just starting- after all, much of what we had been focusing on those last nine weeks was due to me being pregnant again! I had gone dress shopping with my future sister-in-law and the bridal party and was trying on dresses with the maternity bellies. We had planned out vacation time for when the baby was going to be born. I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to have three kids under four and was actually excited about it!
Somehow during that first week of waiting God surrounded me with some amazing women who had also lost their babies. I needed to hear their stories and grieve with them. Those friends and family made it matter. And that is all I wanted- was it to matter to others like it mattered to me!
I am convinced that the prayers of my friends, family, and church carried us through. Somehow, each day was a little better. It was a little more "okay."
By the time the second week of waiting had come along God had surrounded me with such an intense love and peace that I still can't explain it. The only explanation that I have is the prayers of those friends who knew how to pray because they themselves had walked through that ugly pit. That second week was filled with an intense satisfaction that the LORD had great plans for me and my family... and I clung to that! I knew that He was about to bring the rain in my life as He is so faithful in doing. So, I just leaned into Him and let Him begin to heal my heart and my body.
Finally, on March 14, 2013 I miscarried our third baby. Saying it was physically painful is an understatement- I labored- hard. But, that process brought me so much peace and made it real for me and for Rob. God gave us closure as we saw our baby.
Ironically enough, my dearest and most loyal friend since forever gave birth to her son that same day. I was so grateful to have that day to share with her! Her comment to me was perfect, "Our babies have the same birthday! How special!" She has no idea how special that is.
I do not know why God allowed me to endure this loss. I will never know and I have to remind myself each day that it is not for me to understand. What I do know is that when I have a friend who has a loss, it will matter to me and I will lift them in prayer as they grieve and I will grieve and mourn with them as we celebrate our babies safely in the hands of Jesus. Oh how we long for the day we will meet them face to face!!
Finally, as a side note, it was our personal choice to go through this process naturally. Rob and I both felt that God was calling us to walk through the process with Him. This may not be for everyone and there would never be any judgment toward anyone who chooses to go the route of a D&C.
Lastly, for those of you who have not had to live through the loss of a child- a few thoughts: do not "disappear" on us! We need you just to be there. If you feel like you should say something or send something, then, DO IT! I made that mistake before experiencing this and I am kicking myself now for not being that support for my friends and showing them that it mattered to me.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Something is Coming....
I have this sense of urgency to DO something! Anything! Already my words cannot do my thoughts justice as I sit contemplating what it is that God is calling us to DO. For too long our family has been centered around 'us'- the four of us- our needs/wants/desires.
I am over it.
God has been stirring my heart and my mind has finally caught up.
My epiphany.
My ah-ha moment.
This life, it's not about us. It was never intended to be about us- our desires, wants, and needs. Life is about bringing glory to our Lord and being the hands and feet of Jesus to the world. Being the Light in the darkness.
There can be no darkness in light.
The shift is here. No more will we be inward focused and self-seeking. We are earnestly praying and seeking that Lord will reveal to us how we are to reach out and serve Him. I have no idea what that will look like- but, honestly, I don't really care. I will do what He asks; I will go where He tells me to go.
Of course, even in writing this my mind has already gone to the "Oh gosh... what is God calls us to the jungles of Equador? Or the Sahara Desert? What will we do about Brooke and her cardiologists and cleft palate team....?"
Blah blah blah!
He will provide a way. It probably won't be moving halfway across the globe, but, the fact is that I have to be willing to do WHATEVER it is. And I have to be ready to love on people the way Jesus did!
Oh, Lord, prepare my heart and equip me with your Truth.
Something is Coming!
I am over it.
God has been stirring my heart and my mind has finally caught up.
My epiphany.
My ah-ha moment.
This life, it's not about us. It was never intended to be about us- our desires, wants, and needs. Life is about bringing glory to our Lord and being the hands and feet of Jesus to the world. Being the Light in the darkness.
There can be no darkness in light.
The shift is here. No more will we be inward focused and self-seeking. We are earnestly praying and seeking that Lord will reveal to us how we are to reach out and serve Him. I have no idea what that will look like- but, honestly, I don't really care. I will do what He asks; I will go where He tells me to go.
Of course, even in writing this my mind has already gone to the "Oh gosh... what is God calls us to the jungles of Equador? Or the Sahara Desert? What will we do about Brooke and her cardiologists and cleft palate team....?"
Blah blah blah!
He will provide a way. It probably won't be moving halfway across the globe, but, the fact is that I have to be willing to do WHATEVER it is. And I have to be ready to love on people the way Jesus did!
Oh, Lord, prepare my heart and equip me with your Truth.
Something is Coming!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Gluten Free, Dairy Free... Everything Free!
This is my first post about living in a family with a limited diet. Probably what prompted this is the fact that we are going to an out of town wedding this weekend, and, I have been overcome by the amount of food prep that awaits! Luckily, my cousin has quite a few people attending that have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease/Non-Celiac Gluten Intollerance, so there will be food for us to eat... Even cupcakes! Score!
I, embarassed, called my cousin (the bride) to ask about the menu. I felt like an idiot- especially for a wedding- but- you have to know.
I read an article in a parenting magazine about having kids with food allergies- how often times we as parents of these kids feel like we have four eyes when we call before birthday parties to ask what will be served. Trust me, we do not enjoy doing this. Nor do we enjoy the time it takes to then prepare something comparable for our kids to have at the party so they don't feel completely alienated and out-of-the-loop. But, you do what you have to do! At the end of the article it talked about things parents of non-allergic kids can do to help us out. Here are a few:
- Offer the menu up front to all parents
- Ask if there are any food allergies/sensitivities
- Do NOT be offended if you have a parent call to ask what is being served ahead of time
- Do not be offended if parents ask to stay at the party (especially parents of little ones) to monitor
It takes a ton of work and time to plan outings, events, playdates for families that suffer from food allergies. Haha- if you ask me to come for lunch, I may say, "No." Especially if it's a short-notice invitation. It's nothing against you- it just takes more time that I often have to get the meal around!
Some tips for parents who are struggling through the early days of food allergy identification:
- Make items in bulk and freeze them! (cupcakes, icing- which doesn't freeze solid, bread, granola bars, etc)
- Keep some snack items in the diaper bag or car (baby food pouches, fruit strips, pre-packaged bars, etc)
- Alternative milks now come in individual serving boxes (like juice boxes)- stick some in the car/diaper bag
- Be up front with friends/family. They may not "get it" at first, but, they will eventually!
As for me... I am off to make a gluten free, dairy free, nut free PB&J.... ;)
Happy Eating!
I, embarassed, called my cousin (the bride) to ask about the menu. I felt like an idiot- especially for a wedding- but- you have to know.
I read an article in a parenting magazine about having kids with food allergies- how often times we as parents of these kids feel like we have four eyes when we call before birthday parties to ask what will be served. Trust me, we do not enjoy doing this. Nor do we enjoy the time it takes to then prepare something comparable for our kids to have at the party so they don't feel completely alienated and out-of-the-loop. But, you do what you have to do! At the end of the article it talked about things parents of non-allergic kids can do to help us out. Here are a few:
- Offer the menu up front to all parents
- Ask if there are any food allergies/sensitivities
- Do NOT be offended if you have a parent call to ask what is being served ahead of time
- Do not be offended if parents ask to stay at the party (especially parents of little ones) to monitor
It takes a ton of work and time to plan outings, events, playdates for families that suffer from food allergies. Haha- if you ask me to come for lunch, I may say, "No." Especially if it's a short-notice invitation. It's nothing against you- it just takes more time that I often have to get the meal around!
Some tips for parents who are struggling through the early days of food allergy identification:
- Make items in bulk and freeze them! (cupcakes, icing- which doesn't freeze solid, bread, granola bars, etc)
- Keep some snack items in the diaper bag or car (baby food pouches, fruit strips, pre-packaged bars, etc)
- Alternative milks now come in individual serving boxes (like juice boxes)- stick some in the car/diaper bag
- Be up front with friends/family. They may not "get it" at first, but, they will eventually!
As for me... I am off to make a gluten free, dairy free, nut free PB&J.... ;)
Happy Eating!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
For Such A Time As This
For Such A Time As This
My friend, Virginia, had a guest writer on her blog... soo encouraging- I just had to share!
Enjoy
My friend, Virginia, had a guest writer on her blog... soo encouraging- I just had to share!
Enjoy
Friday, July 6, 2012
MIA
I have no idea where on Earth the last three months have gone. They seemed to have vanished... right before my eyes! Last I wrote we were going forward with Brooke's genetic testing to rule out VCFS... and... Praise God... she does not have it! Woo!!
Since then, she has also done some growing (we think). We go in two weeks for a weight check. And, of course, Shane now outweighs her by at least a pound! He is a brute and is definitely our strong willed child! Whew! He keeps me on my toes!
God has been doing amazing things in my life over the past three months. One of the main reasons for my absense in blogging was to focus more on my quiet times and journaling my prayers. It has proved to be such a blessing and God is proving himself as Jehoveh Jireh! I am hoping to start blogging again at least once a week, and, hopefully, will even join Twitter soon (although I have no idea- still- how to blog effectively, and, "tweeting" is something completely foreign to me!).
I hope to start learning more about these things and make some time for little sewing projects with the help of my new friend, Virginia! She is my guru for all things blogging, tweeting, and sewing! Ha! Love ya girl ;) You can follow her blog at http://geekyandsassy.com/. She is amazing and God has blessed me with her friendship at a time when we both desperately needed to connect with someone close and in the same age/stage. Although we have only known each other for just over a month and a half, it already feels like a life long friendship!
Looking forward to connecting more via the blog world soon!
Since then, she has also done some growing (we think). We go in two weeks for a weight check. And, of course, Shane now outweighs her by at least a pound! He is a brute and is definitely our strong willed child! Whew! He keeps me on my toes!
God has been doing amazing things in my life over the past three months. One of the main reasons for my absense in blogging was to focus more on my quiet times and journaling my prayers. It has proved to be such a blessing and God is proving himself as Jehoveh Jireh! I am hoping to start blogging again at least once a week, and, hopefully, will even join Twitter soon (although I have no idea- still- how to blog effectively, and, "tweeting" is something completely foreign to me!).
I hope to start learning more about these things and make some time for little sewing projects with the help of my new friend, Virginia! She is my guru for all things blogging, tweeting, and sewing! Ha! Love ya girl ;) You can follow her blog at http://geekyandsassy.com/. She is amazing and God has blessed me with her friendship at a time when we both desperately needed to connect with someone close and in the same age/stage. Although we have only known each other for just over a month and a half, it already feels like a life long friendship!
Looking forward to connecting more via the blog world soon!
Monday, April 16, 2012
A Mother's "Gut Feeling..."
I wish I could say that I feel we were nearing the "end" for all of Brooke's testing and doctor's appointments.
I don't feel that at all....
Since our appointment with the Geneticist I have had this lingering feeling of unrest and uncertainty. I know that our God is a god that grants us peace even in the most difficult struggles. He has given me peace in knowing that Brooke will have surgery, He has given me peace with her heart defect and the potential outcomes there. He has NOT given me peace about her diagnoses NOT being related and/or caused by something else! I have prayed for peace and I have listened for His whisper.... what I hear is a quiet voice- firm but hope-filled- "Keep pushing. Do not give up. I have prepared you to fight this fight. Push forward. My timing is perfect."
I always have known that the Lord would intertwine my formal training with my family life. I have fought alongside parents as they have sought the best education for their children who are exceptions to "the norm." I have tried to be a breath of fresh air to them as the long journey of swimming upstream has left them tired and, often times, hopeless. When I was in the public school system advocating and teaching these amazing kids I LOVED it! I thrived there! It was exciting.... and exhausting... mostly exhausting...
At the end of each day, I went home. Without those kids. I had respite when their parents had none.
I have found myself in those parents' shoes as of late. Don't get me wrong: Brooke is developmentally ahead of the game. She is downright smart and I have no doubt that she will be extremely successful in whatever the Lord leads her to.
But, my 'gut' AKA: the Holy Spirit is whispering to me as a mother, "Keep pushing. Don't let them miss it..." As the medical bills pile in and I hear the doctor say, "No, she is fine. You are overreacting..." I find myself unable to escape what I know my child needs. Just like those parents from my past... it never leaves my mind- or my presence! She is in my care almost 100% of the time and each time I look at her, I see not only an amazing creation that God has blessed me with as my daughter, but, I see the potential for what the unknown could bring... and the bills.... stinking bills!
We are pushing forward with the Geneticist to have Brooke tested for VCFS. Honestly, I don't even know how to spell it or what it all means! What I do know is that it is a chromosome 22 abnormality that presents in individuals with palate, cardiac, and facial abnormalities. So, not full blown DiGeorge Syndrome, but, a more minor abnormality to some gene(s) that build chromosome 22.
I learned a lot today after talking to a parent whose daughter has this syndrome. A major concern: kids with this syndrome, when having their palates repaired, need a more specialized surgery due to artery displacement and the fact that they have low muscle tone to begin with... WHAT?!
This post could, quite honestly, turn into a book... so... I will cut it short.
Where we stand right now: Brooke WILL be evaluated for VCFS- we just need to find someone who will/can order the FISH test. She will be informally evaluated by one of the leading physicians in the world on VCFS at the next support group meeting (June) and his wife- who specialized in speech/language therapy for kids with VCFS/DiGeorge!
In the meantime, as my new friend told me today, I am strapping on my Big-Girl Shoes and marching against the grain!
I don't feel that at all....
Since our appointment with the Geneticist I have had this lingering feeling of unrest and uncertainty. I know that our God is a god that grants us peace even in the most difficult struggles. He has given me peace in knowing that Brooke will have surgery, He has given me peace with her heart defect and the potential outcomes there. He has NOT given me peace about her diagnoses NOT being related and/or caused by something else! I have prayed for peace and I have listened for His whisper.... what I hear is a quiet voice- firm but hope-filled- "Keep pushing. Do not give up. I have prepared you to fight this fight. Push forward. My timing is perfect."
I always have known that the Lord would intertwine my formal training with my family life. I have fought alongside parents as they have sought the best education for their children who are exceptions to "the norm." I have tried to be a breath of fresh air to them as the long journey of swimming upstream has left them tired and, often times, hopeless. When I was in the public school system advocating and teaching these amazing kids I LOVED it! I thrived there! It was exciting.... and exhausting... mostly exhausting...
At the end of each day, I went home. Without those kids. I had respite when their parents had none.
I have found myself in those parents' shoes as of late. Don't get me wrong: Brooke is developmentally ahead of the game. She is downright smart and I have no doubt that she will be extremely successful in whatever the Lord leads her to.
But, my 'gut' AKA: the Holy Spirit is whispering to me as a mother, "Keep pushing. Don't let them miss it..." As the medical bills pile in and I hear the doctor say, "No, she is fine. You are overreacting..." I find myself unable to escape what I know my child needs. Just like those parents from my past... it never leaves my mind- or my presence! She is in my care almost 100% of the time and each time I look at her, I see not only an amazing creation that God has blessed me with as my daughter, but, I see the potential for what the unknown could bring... and the bills.... stinking bills!
We are pushing forward with the Geneticist to have Brooke tested for VCFS. Honestly, I don't even know how to spell it or what it all means! What I do know is that it is a chromosome 22 abnormality that presents in individuals with palate, cardiac, and facial abnormalities. So, not full blown DiGeorge Syndrome, but, a more minor abnormality to some gene(s) that build chromosome 22.
I learned a lot today after talking to a parent whose daughter has this syndrome. A major concern: kids with this syndrome, when having their palates repaired, need a more specialized surgery due to artery displacement and the fact that they have low muscle tone to begin with... WHAT?!
This post could, quite honestly, turn into a book... so... I will cut it short.
Where we stand right now: Brooke WILL be evaluated for VCFS- we just need to find someone who will/can order the FISH test. She will be informally evaluated by one of the leading physicians in the world on VCFS at the next support group meeting (June) and his wife- who specialized in speech/language therapy for kids with VCFS/DiGeorge!
In the meantime, as my new friend told me today, I am strapping on my Big-Girl Shoes and marching against the grain!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
My kiddos!
Here is a quick update on Brooke:
Two weeks ago we saw the cleft palate team- holy cow! 12 doctors in 2 hours time... exhausting!
The consensus was that, although her cleft is extremely mild, that it needs repair.
We will see the surgeon May 3rd to discuss the surgery in detail. We will also schedule her surgery that day.
Last week we saw the Genetecist at DeVos. He is not at all suspicious that Brooke has anything abnormal going on from a genetic standpoint. The icing on the cake for him: her LACK of developmental delay! We are talking about a little girl who understands figures of speech, uses them herself, and is taking in more information each second than we can dish out!
He did schedule us to see him again in a year (which we may cancel), just in case her growth pattern does not continue- slow and steady!
In the midst of all of these appointments for Brooke, we celebrated Shane's first birthday!! I can't believe he is already one! Where on earth did the last year go?!! He had a great time at his birthday party. Shane is quite the opposite of his sister: he does NOT like cake or ice cream! Go figure!
I love watching Shane! He is learning so much right now- tonight he held up his new ball and said, "Basketball." (Of course, it didn't come out super clear, but, Rob and I both understood him!) He has the best demeanor ever and we just can't get enough of him! His kisses and hugs melt my heart!
It's crazy! I see so much of God's masculinity in Shane and so much of His beauty in Brooke! Absolutely amazing!!
Two weeks ago we saw the cleft palate team- holy cow! 12 doctors in 2 hours time... exhausting!
The consensus was that, although her cleft is extremely mild, that it needs repair.
We will see the surgeon May 3rd to discuss the surgery in detail. We will also schedule her surgery that day.
Last week we saw the Genetecist at DeVos. He is not at all suspicious that Brooke has anything abnormal going on from a genetic standpoint. The icing on the cake for him: her LACK of developmental delay! We are talking about a little girl who understands figures of speech, uses them herself, and is taking in more information each second than we can dish out!
He did schedule us to see him again in a year (which we may cancel), just in case her growth pattern does not continue- slow and steady!
In the midst of all of these appointments for Brooke, we celebrated Shane's first birthday!! I can't believe he is already one! Where on earth did the last year go?!! He had a great time at his birthday party. Shane is quite the opposite of his sister: he does NOT like cake or ice cream! Go figure!
I love watching Shane! He is learning so much right now- tonight he held up his new ball and said, "Basketball." (Of course, it didn't come out super clear, but, Rob and I both understood him!) He has the best demeanor ever and we just can't get enough of him! His kisses and hugs melt my heart!
It's crazy! I see so much of God's masculinity in Shane and so much of His beauty in Brooke! Absolutely amazing!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Brooke's Cardiology Report...
Today we had our visit with Pediatric Cardiology for Brooke. I could not have been more pleased with our day. The cardiologist was amazing! He was willing to take all the time needed to run the proper tests and educate us on all that is 'unique' with Brooke's heart.
Brooke does indeed have a minor heart defect, that, at this time, poses no threat to her. He did also confirm a functional murmur that is completely unrelated to the defect.
Instead of having a Tricuspid Aortic Valve she has a Bicuspid Aortic Valve.
Tricuspid Bicuspid
With this diagnosis, patients are at risk of Aortic Stenosis (narrowing of the Aorta), Dilation of the Aorta, and "leakage" if the valve does not open or close properly.
The measurements today showed that Brooke has Borderline Dilation of the Aorta- she is right on that 'normal/abnormal' border for having dilation.
What does this mean for Brooke?!!
NOTHING!! - at least not right now :)
She is now, and will forever be, a cardiac patient. Two years from now, and probably every two years from now on, she will have to have an Echocardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) to look at, and measure, the Aorta and Aortic Valve. If she were to develop any Stenosis or Dilation then the may prohibit her from playing contact sports, participating in strenuous excersice, etc. He reassured us that her Aorta would have to be in extremely bad shape for them to even consider repairing/replacing it.
In the meantime, she is clear for surgery IF the Cleft Palate Team decides to repair that within the next few months and she is free to be a normal two year old!! Yay!!
The LORD is teaching me to trust Him- and of course, He is using my kids! I am at complete peace tonight as we have this minor diagnosis and am sure that Brooke is going to be fine! There is not anything that I can do or worry about that will change the path that the Lord set for her before the beginning of time. Praise be to Him for His wisdom and love for Brooke!
Thanks for the continued prayers from all of you- we see the Cleft Palate Team next week and the Geneticist the following week (with Shane's first birthday in the middle)!
Blessings to all!
-B
I added a couple of diagrams below for your viewing pleasure :)
Brooke does indeed have a minor heart defect, that, at this time, poses no threat to her. He did also confirm a functional murmur that is completely unrelated to the defect.
Instead of having a Tricuspid Aortic Valve she has a Bicuspid Aortic Valve.
With this diagnosis, patients are at risk of Aortic Stenosis (narrowing of the Aorta), Dilation of the Aorta, and "leakage" if the valve does not open or close properly.
The measurements today showed that Brooke has Borderline Dilation of the Aorta- she is right on that 'normal/abnormal' border for having dilation.
What does this mean for Brooke?!!
NOTHING!! - at least not right now :)
She is now, and will forever be, a cardiac patient. Two years from now, and probably every two years from now on, she will have to have an Echocardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) to look at, and measure, the Aorta and Aortic Valve. If she were to develop any Stenosis or Dilation then the may prohibit her from playing contact sports, participating in strenuous excersice, etc. He reassured us that her Aorta would have to be in extremely bad shape for them to even consider repairing/replacing it.
In the meantime, she is clear for surgery IF the Cleft Palate Team decides to repair that within the next few months and she is free to be a normal two year old!! Yay!!
The LORD is teaching me to trust Him- and of course, He is using my kids! I am at complete peace tonight as we have this minor diagnosis and am sure that Brooke is going to be fine! There is not anything that I can do or worry about that will change the path that the Lord set for her before the beginning of time. Praise be to Him for His wisdom and love for Brooke!
Thanks for the continued prayers from all of you- we see the Cleft Palate Team next week and the Geneticist the following week (with Shane's first birthday in the middle)!
Blessings to all!
-B
I added a couple of diagrams below for your viewing pleasure :)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A promise...
In chapter four of the book of James a promise is made that I am clinging to and claiming today.
"Draw near to the Lord, and he will draw near to you."
Quite frankly, this week I've been a mess- for no apparent reason! I have been on the verge of a full blown panic attack (or what I can only imagine is one coming) for three days now. My heart racing, the anxiety building- choking the life right out of me... THIS IS NOT ME!
It is so strange- just when I start to feel a little momentum I hit a brick wall that is so hard and so high that it plain knocks me right out. Flat out. Cold. Whoa.
Today, by God's mercy and grace he gave me this promise, once again. When I needed it the most.
His whisper: "Bethany, just draw near to me. Everything is fine. I am here. I know what I am doing. Trust me. Move into me and I will wrap you in the safety and power of my love. 'Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God! I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' "
I will not be anxious about tomorrow, next week, or next month. I will not fear the unknown. I will trust that my Lord is moving mountains in our lives and that, in His perfect timing His will will unravel before my eyes- when that happens I will look back at today, and yesterday and remember how much time and energy I wasted being anxious.....
Finally.... peace!
"Draw near to the Lord, and he will draw near to you."
Quite frankly, this week I've been a mess- for no apparent reason! I have been on the verge of a full blown panic attack (or what I can only imagine is one coming) for three days now. My heart racing, the anxiety building- choking the life right out of me... THIS IS NOT ME!
It is so strange- just when I start to feel a little momentum I hit a brick wall that is so hard and so high that it plain knocks me right out. Flat out. Cold. Whoa.
Today, by God's mercy and grace he gave me this promise, once again. When I needed it the most.
His whisper: "Bethany, just draw near to me. Everything is fine. I am here. I know what I am doing. Trust me. Move into me and I will wrap you in the safety and power of my love. 'Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God! I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' "
I will not be anxious about tomorrow, next week, or next month. I will not fear the unknown. I will trust that my Lord is moving mountains in our lives and that, in His perfect timing His will will unravel before my eyes- when that happens I will look back at today, and yesterday and remember how much time and energy I wasted being anxious.....
Finally.... peace!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A little bit of this...
... And a little bit of that. Actually, mostly doctors' appointments for Brooke. That is what "life" has consisted of over these last 2 months. She loves going to the doctors! Ha! Probably because she has never had any shots...
She said yesterday, "I'm not afraid of the new doctor!" She was so proud of herself.
It's been challenging at times- not to let my mind wander to the "what ifs" of the situation. I have come to the conclusion that Brooke is fine! She is right where God wants her! Her life has been laid out before time began and no amount of worrying from me will change any day of her life. So, that's that. We wait. We drive. We meet with multiple specialists. We "collect" all kinds of bodily secretions (fun!). And then we do it all again! But most importantly, we trust!
The Lord has taught me so much about himself through this process and a book that I am reading entitled Practical Theology for Women. It should actually just be called Practical Theology because EVERYONE needs to read it! I have thought about reading it again when I am done so that I can journal/blog my way through it. What the author laid out for me that hit me square in the face when I needed it the most was this:
God is good.
God loves us.
GOD IS WISE!
It doesn't matter what I want- who am I to tell God how to run the show- He is wise beyond all measure and has a purpose in everything that He does. He brings beauty from ashes; hope from sorrow. I have clung to that over the last few months as we have faced a myriad of "struggles" in our family.
I want to write more. To let you all know of the struggles and joys and just plain "life" we have experienced over the last several months... but... I can't.... not yet.... Soon though!
We are content in our struggles. We are hopeful for tomorrow. We are clinging to the promise that God's wisdom is so much greater than our own!
She said yesterday, "I'm not afraid of the new doctor!" She was so proud of herself.
It's been challenging at times- not to let my mind wander to the "what ifs" of the situation. I have come to the conclusion that Brooke is fine! She is right where God wants her! Her life has been laid out before time began and no amount of worrying from me will change any day of her life. So, that's that. We wait. We drive. We meet with multiple specialists. We "collect" all kinds of bodily secretions (fun!). And then we do it all again! But most importantly, we trust!
The Lord has taught me so much about himself through this process and a book that I am reading entitled Practical Theology for Women. It should actually just be called Practical Theology because EVERYONE needs to read it! I have thought about reading it again when I am done so that I can journal/blog my way through it. What the author laid out for me that hit me square in the face when I needed it the most was this:
God is good.
God loves us.
GOD IS WISE!
It doesn't matter what I want- who am I to tell God how to run the show- He is wise beyond all measure and has a purpose in everything that He does. He brings beauty from ashes; hope from sorrow. I have clung to that over the last few months as we have faced a myriad of "struggles" in our family.
I want to write more. To let you all know of the struggles and joys and just plain "life" we have experienced over the last several months... but... I can't.... not yet.... Soon though!
We are content in our struggles. We are hopeful for tomorrow. We are clinging to the promise that God's wisdom is so much greater than our own!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sick....
I just about made myself sick.....
I just realized that for the past several weeks I have gone through much of my days really having not seen my children. Obviously I have SEEN them, but, I haven't really taken the time to SEE them....
Quite honestly, I am not sure when the last time was that I looked into Brooke's beautiful, big, brown eyes just to SEE her. And Shane....well... he's walking now... but, I haven't really celebrated that with him...
Wow- reality has hit me with a blow to the gut that leaves me unable to catch my breath and desperate to turn back the clock to relive all of the moments that I have missed. What's even more annoying is that I have missed moments and opportunities to minister to my childrens' hearts because I have been too busy trying to keep "order" in the house.... REALLY?!
Things are going to change... NOW! Tomorrow is a new day, Praise God!
Thank you, Lord, for the whisper to "WAKE UP!" Forgive me for neglecting my children... your children.
I just realized that for the past several weeks I have gone through much of my days really having not seen my children. Obviously I have SEEN them, but, I haven't really taken the time to SEE them....
Quite honestly, I am not sure when the last time was that I looked into Brooke's beautiful, big, brown eyes just to SEE her. And Shane....well... he's walking now... but, I haven't really celebrated that with him...
Wow- reality has hit me with a blow to the gut that leaves me unable to catch my breath and desperate to turn back the clock to relive all of the moments that I have missed. What's even more annoying is that I have missed moments and opportunities to minister to my childrens' hearts because I have been too busy trying to keep "order" in the house.... REALLY?!
Things are going to change... NOW! Tomorrow is a new day, Praise God!
Thank you, Lord, for the whisper to "WAKE UP!" Forgive me for neglecting my children... your children.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A Reminder...
I have a friendship that I have grown to cherish. One that has developed briefly in person, but has grown through distance and... go figure... the internet! My friend Alissa shared what was reiterated by a new friend this week http://alissaellingson.blogspot.com:
Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]
16 And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
17 I said to myself,
“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”
18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?
Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]
16 And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
17 I said to myself,
“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”
18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?
I was absolutely hit square in the face with the fact that this "season" of life will, eventually, come to an end. I was hit even harder with that fact when, today, we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. I found myself looking at her twirling in her new dress from her great-grandma, singing and dancing, realizing that she is no longer my baby, but, she is now an independent, extremely energetic and opinionated toddler.
Over these past few days, I have been reflecting on my visit with my new friend, Jen (view her blog at http://jenwagenmaker.blogspot.com). We talked, she shared her heart for ministering to other women, challenged me to be praying how I could join her in the mission... but, it was how she ended our visit that has stuck with me...
She said, "You are looking at yourself now- in the overwhelmed state of exhaustion with two young kids two and under. I am looking at you a year from now- looking at what you will have to offer other women and, specifically young moms who are exactly where you are right now..."
Then I read Alissa's blog post and Ecclesiastes 3..... whoa...
Lord, forgive me for my lack of contentment in this "season" that you have me in. Bring me to a place of contentment with you and only you; with where you have placed me, what you have me doing, and whom you have called me to serve. It is not until I am fully content with you and the circumstance that you have me in that you will reveal to me the next "season" you have for me....
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A Place of Desperation...
I haven't written anything in so long.... Maybe that has, in part, led to some of the "blah" I have been feeling. I haven't made time for anything, much less, sorting through my thoughts and getting them down "on paper."
The Lord has brought me to a place of desperation...
Desperation for HIM... desire for His Will in my life, in our family; for my husband and my kids.
Zechariah 1:3b "'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."
We are returning to Him... full on... ready to listen to His Whisper and obey His call. I have found myself becoming anxious about what He may 'call' us to... then the gentle whisper reminds me to "Not be anxious about anything..."
Zephaniah 3: 17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
The Lord has brought me to a place of desperation...
Desperation for HIM... desire for His Will in my life, in our family; for my husband and my kids.
Zechariah 1:3b "'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."
We are returning to Him... full on... ready to listen to His Whisper and obey His call. I have found myself becoming anxious about what He may 'call' us to... then the gentle whisper reminds me to "Not be anxious about anything..."
Zephaniah 3: 17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Thursday, October 27, 2011
A Smorgesboard of Life...
I am tired, my dishes are not done, my house is a mess, there is laundry that needs to be folded... and... I just listened to my sweet Little Lady scream herself to sleep. Not the ending I was hoping for...
For those who know me well, you know that I DO NOT let my kids cry it out- especially not in the first 12 months of life. In the first year of life babies are learning trust/mistrust and, well, it's pretty simple: if you don't respond to crying- even if it is just for attention- then they will learn to not trust you or other people in their lives. You don't have to agree with me, but, that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
Now that Brooke is almost two, though, it becomes a different story. The "Trying Twos" are upon us and, well, I need to get ahead of the curve here! She wanted to take her book to bed with her tonight and I said no... and I stuck to my guns... thus creating a massive temper tantrum that was fueled by her extreme exhaustion.... I went in once to pray with her and, as she calmed and then escalated again I prayed out loud, "Lord, show me what to do... I am lost here!"
The quiet whisper: "Tell her I am with her, kiss her, and put her to bed." Five minutes later, she was out.
That hysterical cry though- it cuts me to the core... I hate it! It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But there was nothing that I could do... I had to let go and let God...
We have been battling a nasty head cold for almost two weeks now. Brooke is still coughing like crazy and Shane just started with the stuffy nose for the second time... I am so DONE with illness... and it's not even November yet! I am paranoid, yes, I know. I like to 'control the situation,' yes, I know... but, let me just be completely frank here...
If your kids are actively coughing, sneezing, snotting, vomiting, have diarrhea, or have had a fever within the last 48-72 hours... KEEP THEM HOME! I am NOT tooting my own horn here, but... I have missed two 'Mommy and Me' yoga classes, a Halloween party, and have had to reschedule 2 playdates (with the same person no less) because I do not and will not contaminate the rest of the world with our illness!!!
Just because your kid only has a runny nose does not mean that the kid next to him won't respond differently to the virus!
OK... rant over!
The Lord is working in our life as a family though. Rob's involvement in Men's Fraternity has been huge for us. Ladies: if your husband has the opportunity to go through this make it happen! Push them to do it! It will change your lives- for the better!
God is good... He has a plan for us and, He is teaching me each day how to be a Mommy to these two little loves...
For those who know me well, you know that I DO NOT let my kids cry it out- especially not in the first 12 months of life. In the first year of life babies are learning trust/mistrust and, well, it's pretty simple: if you don't respond to crying- even if it is just for attention- then they will learn to not trust you or other people in their lives. You don't have to agree with me, but, that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
Now that Brooke is almost two, though, it becomes a different story. The "Trying Twos" are upon us and, well, I need to get ahead of the curve here! She wanted to take her book to bed with her tonight and I said no... and I stuck to my guns... thus creating a massive temper tantrum that was fueled by her extreme exhaustion.... I went in once to pray with her and, as she calmed and then escalated again I prayed out loud, "Lord, show me what to do... I am lost here!"
The quiet whisper: "Tell her I am with her, kiss her, and put her to bed." Five minutes later, she was out.
That hysterical cry though- it cuts me to the core... I hate it! It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But there was nothing that I could do... I had to let go and let God...
We have been battling a nasty head cold for almost two weeks now. Brooke is still coughing like crazy and Shane just started with the stuffy nose for the second time... I am so DONE with illness... and it's not even November yet! I am paranoid, yes, I know. I like to 'control the situation,' yes, I know... but, let me just be completely frank here...
If your kids are actively coughing, sneezing, snotting, vomiting, have diarrhea, or have had a fever within the last 48-72 hours... KEEP THEM HOME! I am NOT tooting my own horn here, but... I have missed two 'Mommy and Me' yoga classes, a Halloween party, and have had to reschedule 2 playdates (with the same person no less) because I do not and will not contaminate the rest of the world with our illness!!!
Just because your kid only has a runny nose does not mean that the kid next to him won't respond differently to the virus!
OK... rant over!
The Lord is working in our life as a family though. Rob's involvement in Men's Fraternity has been huge for us. Ladies: if your husband has the opportunity to go through this make it happen! Push them to do it! It will change your lives- for the better!
God is good... He has a plan for us and, He is teaching me each day how to be a Mommy to these two little loves...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Miss Representation"
https://www.facebook.com/#%21/groups/166691884672/?notif_t=group_activity
I hope the link above works!
This is the trailer for a new documentary about how women are portrayed in this country. Specifically how the media has created and is now 'distributing' women as objects meant for the satisfaction of men.
**Be warned-- there are images that may not be appropriate for some men who struggle with pornography and definitely those not appropriate for children under age 18.
I would like to hear thoughts/reactions to the trailer (if the link does not load, then Google: Miss Representation Trailer).
My reaction/thoughts after viewing this two separate times...
The first half is completely true, appropriate, and should be disturbing to any woman, father, grandfather, brother... you get the point- it should bother all of us. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to stand up for the decency, modesty, beauty, and RESPECT of women and their bodies. This is a cause near and dear to my heart.
I do, however, find fault with the second half of the trailer for "Miss Representation." They list statistics about women in high profile, "powerful" positions in America. At one point the woman being interviewed states that at a young age (I can't remember exactly what age- I think Kindergarten) an even number of boys and girls say that they want to be President of the United States and that at age 15 or 16 the percentage of young women who still have this dream are just a fraction... (at one point a man being interviewed compares our government to that of Cuba, China, and Afghanistan- saying that they all have more women in high political positions than we do... hmm...not sure I want our government compared to those in the first place!) I could go on summarizing- just watch it! :)
The basic "gist" of the trailer is that we need to change the way America views women- we need to have women in those high profile jobs, teach girls that they should be in those positions.
Here is where my problem lies... at no point do they ever suggest that a woman has value if she is at home caring for her children and creating a stable environment for them. I have had conversations like this with other women, family members, acquaintances and here is the conclusion: in this country, there is NO glory in being a mother. At the doctor they ask: "Do you work?" My response: "HA! Heck yeah I work... and I am 'on call' 24 hours a day, 365 days/year." But what is meant by the question is: "Do you work outside of the home?" And if the answer is 'No,' then nobody there can possibly understand why you can't make the 1:30 appointment they have set for you for next Thursday... "Because I have babies that nap! That's why!!" (And all of your stay-at-home-'workers' know that there are very few times that you sacrifice that sacred nap time!)
I want to teach my daughter what God created her for: to be a 'help-mate' to her husband and raise her children to know and fear the Lord. Those first years of life are critical and I am sick of women being told that they are not glorious or powerful or beautiful or wonderful if they choose to mother their children. Once they are off to school, then it's a completely different story (unless you homeschool!)!
Mommies: you are the hardest working group of people in the world! Keep up the hard work! It's worth it in the end!
I hope the link above works!
This is the trailer for a new documentary about how women are portrayed in this country. Specifically how the media has created and is now 'distributing' women as objects meant for the satisfaction of men.
**Be warned-- there are images that may not be appropriate for some men who struggle with pornography and definitely those not appropriate for children under age 18.
I would like to hear thoughts/reactions to the trailer (if the link does not load, then Google: Miss Representation Trailer).
My reaction/thoughts after viewing this two separate times...
The first half is completely true, appropriate, and should be disturbing to any woman, father, grandfather, brother... you get the point- it should bother all of us. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to stand up for the decency, modesty, beauty, and RESPECT of women and their bodies. This is a cause near and dear to my heart.
I do, however, find fault with the second half of the trailer for "Miss Representation." They list statistics about women in high profile, "powerful" positions in America. At one point the woman being interviewed states that at a young age (I can't remember exactly what age- I think Kindergarten) an even number of boys and girls say that they want to be President of the United States and that at age 15 or 16 the percentage of young women who still have this dream are just a fraction... (at one point a man being interviewed compares our government to that of Cuba, China, and Afghanistan- saying that they all have more women in high political positions than we do... hmm...not sure I want our government compared to those in the first place!) I could go on summarizing- just watch it! :)
The basic "gist" of the trailer is that we need to change the way America views women- we need to have women in those high profile jobs, teach girls that they should be in those positions.
Here is where my problem lies... at no point do they ever suggest that a woman has value if she is at home caring for her children and creating a stable environment for them. I have had conversations like this with other women, family members, acquaintances and here is the conclusion: in this country, there is NO glory in being a mother. At the doctor they ask: "Do you work?" My response: "HA! Heck yeah I work... and I am 'on call' 24 hours a day, 365 days/year." But what is meant by the question is: "Do you work outside of the home?" And if the answer is 'No,' then nobody there can possibly understand why you can't make the 1:30 appointment they have set for you for next Thursday... "Because I have babies that nap! That's why!!" (And all of your stay-at-home-'workers' know that there are very few times that you sacrifice that sacred nap time!)
I want to teach my daughter what God created her for: to be a 'help-mate' to her husband and raise her children to know and fear the Lord. Those first years of life are critical and I am sick of women being told that they are not glorious or powerful or beautiful or wonderful if they choose to mother their children. Once they are off to school, then it's a completely different story (unless you homeschool!)!
Mommies: you are the hardest working group of people in the world! Keep up the hard work! It's worth it in the end!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Creativity Coming to Life!
I have a new addiction! That's right.... I am now on Pinterest.com and, holy cow, I have a problem.
Too many great ideas, not enough time!
I am grateful though, to my dear friend, who invited me to join. As my previous posts have hinted at, we are on a budget, and, this site is giving me all of the ideas that I need for Christmas and birthday gifts on a dime.
So excited to start crafting!
If you have NOT joined Pinterest... you MUST! Yes, it's addictive. But- for those of us that are completely black and white, logical thinking, reality driven people- it gives us the ability to "think outside the box" and use the opposite side of our brains! A little creative stimulation....
Oh, and while you all are at it... join my blog and follow me here too!!
Happy Sunday!
Too many great ideas, not enough time!
I am grateful though, to my dear friend, who invited me to join. As my previous posts have hinted at, we are on a budget, and, this site is giving me all of the ideas that I need for Christmas and birthday gifts on a dime.
So excited to start crafting!
If you have NOT joined Pinterest... you MUST! Yes, it's addictive. But- for those of us that are completely black and white, logical thinking, reality driven people- it gives us the ability to "think outside the box" and use the opposite side of our brains! A little creative stimulation....
Oh, and while you all are at it... join my blog and follow me here too!!
Happy Sunday!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Some Relief
Since my last post, Shane has started nursing again like a champ- won't even take a bottle! HA! Way to go, Little Man!
But, we have not slept... at all....
Every two hours all night and no naps. I even called my mom to tell her, "I just can't do this! I don't even want them near me!" I felt horrible saying those things, but, saying them, made them disappear in my head and I could move forward. When you have reached such utter exhaustion that all rational thinking is out the window, you HAVE to talk about it... Mommies, you know what I am talking about! Until you speak those words to someone else, they consume your mind and, in an instant, you can snap. The next time you feel like you just can't take it anymore- pick up the phone and call another Mommy, friend, your own mom, your sister; someone that has been there and done that- not so they can tell you that you CAN do it, but, just to listen to you get those words out! They need to come out!!
I have done some major reflecting of, and comparing Brooke and Shane's first six months of life. Brooke was a great sleeper, Shane- not so much. I have wracked my brain thinking of what I did differently with Brooke. Of course, a first born, she had a routine that was like cement! Ask any one of my friends or family members- I pretty much hibernated the first year of her life because, "If I messed with the routine, then the day was shot..." True to some extent: if she didn't get her morning nap, then she wouldn't nap for the rest of the day- that meant crabby Baby and crabby Mommy. I did not set a routine with Shane- tried to, but, I was tired and had a 15 month old that required and needed my attention.
Shane pretty much spent his first six months of life in a swing, bouncy seat, walker/jumper, or on the floor. He was content and loved watching his big sister do things, so, all was well... but... looking back at Brooke's first six months of life, I noticed a drastic difference: I held Brooke ALL THE TIME! If I wasn't holding her, she was in the sling or wrap. She was in constant contact with me. From six to eight months of life, she laid on top of me for her naps- it's what she needed and it worked. She is a fabulous sleeper!
Apparently when Shane was born I forgot about the sling/wrap/carrier. I have no idea why. But, it dawned on my yesterday that 1. he is exhausted- you can see it on his face and 2. he just wants to be held. And, once I realized how differently I was nurturing him compared to Brooke it finally hit me: He is craving, NEEDING me to hold him...
This morning, he was strapped to me for about an hour and a half. He just snuggled in and had some wonderfully sweet baby talk to let me know how happy he was! He was content. When he started to wiggle, I would take him out and let him sit up, play, crawl around. Then he would reach for me and I would wrap him right back up on my chest, and the same thing: one happy little man!
Oh, and did I mention that he has been napping, uninterrupted, for almost an hour and a half (in addition to the interrupted hour before that)! I hope my theory is proven correct over these next several days.... it will make this Mommy one happy gal if we start sleeping around here!
But, we have not slept... at all....
Every two hours all night and no naps. I even called my mom to tell her, "I just can't do this! I don't even want them near me!" I felt horrible saying those things, but, saying them, made them disappear in my head and I could move forward. When you have reached such utter exhaustion that all rational thinking is out the window, you HAVE to talk about it... Mommies, you know what I am talking about! Until you speak those words to someone else, they consume your mind and, in an instant, you can snap. The next time you feel like you just can't take it anymore- pick up the phone and call another Mommy, friend, your own mom, your sister; someone that has been there and done that- not so they can tell you that you CAN do it, but, just to listen to you get those words out! They need to come out!!
I have done some major reflecting of, and comparing Brooke and Shane's first six months of life. Brooke was a great sleeper, Shane- not so much. I have wracked my brain thinking of what I did differently with Brooke. Of course, a first born, she had a routine that was like cement! Ask any one of my friends or family members- I pretty much hibernated the first year of her life because, "If I messed with the routine, then the day was shot..." True to some extent: if she didn't get her morning nap, then she wouldn't nap for the rest of the day- that meant crabby Baby and crabby Mommy. I did not set a routine with Shane- tried to, but, I was tired and had a 15 month old that required and needed my attention.
Shane pretty much spent his first six months of life in a swing, bouncy seat, walker/jumper, or on the floor. He was content and loved watching his big sister do things, so, all was well... but... looking back at Brooke's first six months of life, I noticed a drastic difference: I held Brooke ALL THE TIME! If I wasn't holding her, she was in the sling or wrap. She was in constant contact with me. From six to eight months of life, she laid on top of me for her naps- it's what she needed and it worked. She is a fabulous sleeper!
Apparently when Shane was born I forgot about the sling/wrap/carrier. I have no idea why. But, it dawned on my yesterday that 1. he is exhausted- you can see it on his face and 2. he just wants to be held. And, once I realized how differently I was nurturing him compared to Brooke it finally hit me: He is craving, NEEDING me to hold him...
This morning, he was strapped to me for about an hour and a half. He just snuggled in and had some wonderfully sweet baby talk to let me know how happy he was! He was content. When he started to wiggle, I would take him out and let him sit up, play, crawl around. Then he would reach for me and I would wrap him right back up on my chest, and the same thing: one happy little man!
Oh, and did I mention that he has been napping, uninterrupted, for almost an hour and a half (in addition to the interrupted hour before that)! I hope my theory is proven correct over these next several days.... it will make this Mommy one happy gal if we start sleeping around here!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Coming to Grips...
Shane turned six months old yesterday. He is so very active and is very proud of his new-found abilities. All he wants to do is crawl around, roll around, sit up, climb over... I can't keep up. He is completely blowing Brooke out of the water with how early he is doing these things, but, nonetheless, he is.... and....
I think he is weening...
I am sad... Very sad...
I probably should have seen this coming, but, I guess that ignorance is bliss. For about 3 months now he has had the preference of me standing and walking around while nursing him. He has never really been one for holding still! About a month ago started the "I only will nurse if we are laying down" phase. Then last week began the "Lay flat on my back with Mommy practically on top of me" phase. Now it's the "I don't care what acrobatics my mom can think of: I don't want anything to do with it" phase.
He bites, turns his head away, scratches, kicks.... ugh.... had his ears checked today and he got a really good, not-so-baby adjustment at the chiropractor.... still nothing- he would rather play.
With Brooke, it was inevitable- I was pregnant again, my supply was low, the taste changed (or so that is what "they say")... we took it slow, and, by 10 months old, she was done.
But I thought that Shane would be different. I knew that he was going to ween before most babies, because, well, he has done EVERYTHING early. But six months... Buddy, you're nuts!
I am not quite sure why this is happening, but, I am sad, and am trying to come to grips with it. Some of you think it's stupid, I know, but, I am "that" granola tree-hugging mom and I want nothing more than to breastfeed for as long as possible. I am the, "My kids will NEVER have formula" person (and my husband keeps telling me that I really need to stop saying NEVER about things that are out of my control- I guess he's right).
Oh well... I am giving it through the weekend to try to work with Shane on nursing again. I have a plan (which probably means it won't work, but, at least I have one): IF we need to supplement, then he would only get two bottles/day part formula part breast milk. He would still nurse in the mornings, before nap, at bedtime, and his "dream feed" before I go to bed.
Hopefully he gets back on board in the next few days because I sure will miss those big blue eyes looking up at me and a half smile while he nurses... one of the best parts of my day.
They grow up too fast!
I think he is weening...
I am sad... Very sad...
I probably should have seen this coming, but, I guess that ignorance is bliss. For about 3 months now he has had the preference of me standing and walking around while nursing him. He has never really been one for holding still! About a month ago started the "I only will nurse if we are laying down" phase. Then last week began the "Lay flat on my back with Mommy practically on top of me" phase. Now it's the "I don't care what acrobatics my mom can think of: I don't want anything to do with it" phase.
He bites, turns his head away, scratches, kicks.... ugh.... had his ears checked today and he got a really good, not-so-baby adjustment at the chiropractor.... still nothing- he would rather play.
With Brooke, it was inevitable- I was pregnant again, my supply was low, the taste changed (or so that is what "they say")... we took it slow, and, by 10 months old, she was done.
But I thought that Shane would be different. I knew that he was going to ween before most babies, because, well, he has done EVERYTHING early. But six months... Buddy, you're nuts!
I am not quite sure why this is happening, but, I am sad, and am trying to come to grips with it. Some of you think it's stupid, I know, but, I am "that" granola tree-hugging mom and I want nothing more than to breastfeed for as long as possible. I am the, "My kids will NEVER have formula" person (and my husband keeps telling me that I really need to stop saying NEVER about things that are out of my control- I guess he's right).
Oh well... I am giving it through the weekend to try to work with Shane on nursing again. I have a plan (which probably means it won't work, but, at least I have one): IF we need to supplement, then he would only get two bottles/day part formula part breast milk. He would still nurse in the mornings, before nap, at bedtime, and his "dream feed" before I go to bed.
Hopefully he gets back on board in the next few days because I sure will miss those big blue eyes looking up at me and a half smile while he nurses... one of the best parts of my day.
They grow up too fast!
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